Happy Sleeve-versary!! My tummy turns 4.

This April will mark 4 years since I jetted off to Mexico to get my gastric sleeve. Looking back I had some people who were for and against it. The thing with ME is...when I have my mind set on something and I've done the research to cement my decision-that is what it is. Peer pressure doesn't work with me. Anyhoo...fast forward to today: I'm still here :) It's definitely been a rollercoaster ride thus far. Although I'm not a poster child for the procedure lol, I'm always open to answering questions but I will always be honest with what iiiiiiiii have gone through.

If you think WLS is easy-think again! The toughest decision of it is actually settling on the decision to go thru it. It's not the easy way out or cheating becuz ur taking a different route to meet ur goal. 2+2=4; whether u solve it with 1+1+1+1, 2+1+1, 3+1, or hell 2x2 the answer is all the same right? A lot of times people are silent on how they lost weight through surgery becuz folks shame them or judge them for their choice. Look...I commend all those who can become gym rats n really grind hard through exercise and dieting-kudos!! What u not gonna do is think u can make me feel lesser than becuz of **feel free to refer to this previous post** Okay Okay Okay you ate a few more salads than me, u completed ur smoothie challenge n consistently utilized ur gym membership for the 12 months u signed up for. We get it. At the end of the day I still root for everybody becuz we can all get to the finish line together. My initial goal after surgery was and actually still is...175. 

The lowest I've toggled between is 192-200. I didn't realize it would be THIS hard until it dawned on me. It really is a lifestyle change. I can lose weight alone with just clean eating but when I amp it up with bootcamp (BC) I take it to a whole new level. I haven't been to bootcamp in about a year and I slightly miss Kenya becuz she really does hold you accountable. I can still hear her yelling at us and fussing becuz she can tell when we ate like shyt over the weekend or had too many cheat days. She literally curses u out with love "YOU CANNOT OUT EXERCISE A BAD DIET". I used to brush that phrase off often til the lightbulb clicked n I got serious. If what u doing not giving u the results u want...change it. I did BC 3x's a week n cut out carbs n fried foods. My biggest weakness is I don't drink enough water and I'm not a breakfast person so I'm quick to skip a meal (or 2-yikes). 

Another problem for me is staying consistent. I would go hard, get excited with losing weight n fall off. One cheat day turns into 2...and so on! Life happens. For me I started going back to school and I stopped making time for BC. We all make time for what we want. Yes, I should find the hour to make it happen n I don't. When I get back in go mode I know what to do n who to see. I feel like when u do WLS ur constantly under a microscope and there's some folks in the stands waiting for u to fail. Either way, I feel no pressure to be perfect becuz I know my taste for fried chicken will never leave me. 

Me...currently! I can safely round it up to 215. I got baby weight I didn't get rid of, picked up a bad habit of chocolate cashews n Starbucks mixed with plain ol' lazy. I can stand accountable for my lack of action but again...I'm not gonna beat myself up over it. You will lose the majority of ur weight after surgery within the first year. After that...it's really up to u whether u maintain ur loss or gain. Surgery is an aide. It doesn't do all the work for u. I've been in forums where folks think the sleeve "stopped working" n people do "pouch tests" where u try to "reset" ur body after regaining weight so u do the whole post-op diet of liquids (which I loosely followed). In their mind they think their stomach stretched. In other words...oh shyt I fallen back to bad habits of eating so surely that must mean my surgery has failed me **cue horror scream** 

Luckily and surprisingly for me...I am still comfortably in my size 14's yet creeping back to 16's. Becuz I know I don't want to ever hit 290 again I'm aware of my gain. The toleration with food has definitely changed since surgery. I've always been a lover of spicy foods; well...not anymore :( anything white i.e. bread, rice, hell even whole milk...Nope!! I learned to read labels but mainly taught from error cuz I be living on the edge. If I eat something too fast or too sweet...I get sick, mild stomach ache sick. I've experienced the infamous dumping syndrome ONE good time (it's rare for sleevers). It's NOT a good feeling n mine came late after lunch while at work. OMG I thought I was gonna phkn diiiiiiie!! I over ate-half a burger n 5 wings :7 I left feeling so full n I knew I phkd up. I went back to work n got the "itis" but I started getting so uncomfortable sitting down. I kept feeling like I had to go to the bathroom but nothing. Almost like I was backed up. I felt sick n just wanted to lay down. That shyt was scary becuz I was sweating n cramping just praying for it to be over asap. You literally have to eat a little bit at a time n let it marinate. Buffets don't benefit me and I hate it. Sometimes I wish I had my old stomach just to over indulge-ugh that sounds so fat of me **le sigh** I know! It's just such an adjustment that I didn't anticipate.

The downside of skipping surgery thru ur insurance is...you don't get the mandatory therapy needed as a heads up to the emotional effects from losing weight. Yes, u see me celebrating my victories and improvements of health. Behind closed doors what u don't see is...the struggles to break off my relationship with food. Peasantry foods aka fast foods I used to grab do nothing for me. Popeyes makes me sick, there's no way I could ever eat McDonald's anymore. I know, I know...I shouldn't be eating that shyt no ways but who doesn't love a good batch of McD's fries every once n a blue moon but I had to face the facts my appetite changed. I've had breakdowns in dressing rooms becuz I'm over joyed at being able to fit into something I didn't see myself getting back into. The fear of change in the form of losing weight still lingers and it can be depressing-weird right.

Thank God for support groups n forums to turn to. I've consistently read friend/relationships crumble n never understood how or why...well errrr ummm yea prepare for people to change. Now in MY case I wouldn't understand why it would happen becuz my confidence n self has been consistent whether 290 or not. Yet I've seen how folks change maybe now ur getting more attention, finally feeling good about ur self and that can bring out insecurities in others who aren't genuinely happy for u. I have learned having a positive support team makes a difference n who better to turn to than those who know what u goin thru. #HeySleeveSisters

Through the ups n downs, what I've grown to learn about myself (n others), I wouldn't change a thing. I don't regret the decision I made or even goin overseas to do it. I now make realistic goals. I know I'm not losing 10lbs in a week n I don't feel like a failure. I celebrate small victories at a time i.e. no Starbucks for a month!! I'm more aware of my mood changes and adjusting to a new quality of life #HelloNoThighChaffing :) If ur considering surgery thinking it'll be a quick fix or you'll be happier becuz ur lighter-think again! After the honeymoon phase ur more than likely to gain some back...to be honest it's almost inevitable and there's no escaping exercise **cue Kim K ugly cry** The good news is...it's never too late. Everyday u wake up is a clean slate to do right n make better choices. My success story is forever to be continued...

Smooches

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Weekend Recap

I had some free time this weekend and decided to indulge in window shopping to get out the house and what do ya knoooow...Nordstrom Anniversary Sale is on and popping **cue Birman hand rub** My stomping grounds is Annapolis Mall. It's a one stop shop for me: Nordies, Sephora, Forever 21, hint of Bath n Body and Lush with Cheesecake Factory as cherry on top-in that order! However, I'm trying to better curve my spending habits (strong emphasis on TRY) so I strictly went for Nordies. I stumbled across a magazine launch upstairs where they had a fashion show and panel of women to empower, motivate and inspire. I didn't plan on staying for the whole thing but the energy n discussion had a hold on me to stay and held my interest. 

I met the Editor-in-Chief, Ayo Thomas and grabbed me a copy of her WOE magazine. The panel of women speaking spoke of women empowerment and nothing but positive vibes and affirmations that could help us reach our goals. I was totally engulfed in the moment n forgot to shop for what I initially came for. As fate would have it, I met a fellow blogger name Mimi of Mimi Cute Lips who dropped some jewels of tips n tricks to the blogger life. It was overall a great event and made some things move n shake in my spirit. After networking and enjoying the sea of beauties it was back to shopping lol. 

Maggy London, $92

I am a sucker when it comes to impulse shopping BUT in my defense...I was eyeballing this dress since the sale started and i loooove Maggy dresses becuz I feel like such a laydee and since her sizing can be tricky for women with curves its a MUST to try it on in person. I have to think on this dress becuz I can sometimes get lucky n find Maggy's in Nordy Rack for $60!! I did good tho despite all the temptation I left with only ONE pair of shoes :) (and never mind the online order-tee hee)!!! Don't know if you noticed or paid attention but in my last Life of a Uh Former Fat Girl post I talked about continuing to have the fat girl mentality when it comes to shopping for clothes. It's probably something I'll deal with for a while becuz I'm so conditioned to think I'm bigger than what I actually am. It's not a reality check on how much I've lost until I see an old pic of where I used to be:

Quick note: I literally finished my post and went to edit and just so happen to delete ALL my content after this >:<FML **cue Cuba Gooding fighting the air** OMFG!!!! My memory is phkn horrible sooooo how the HELL am I suppose to remember what the heck I wrote in such a great moment of letting it flow **le sigh**

Anyhoo....with that being said this is the best time for fall shopping while everyone is still in summer clothes mode. I pranced on into Forever 21 and hit up the clearance rack on my way to the dressing room. I stumbled across this really cute sweater but noticed the size n said oh naw!!! I put it back knowin dmn well it's NOT my size yet something tugged on my heart to just try it anyways. I meeeean what's the worse that can happen other than busting thru it like Hulk or getting my arms stuck in the DONT SHOOT position struggling to take it off. 

Lo and behold I made it!!!! I had all the intentions of this joint being a crop top but LEWK AT GAWD!! It was in that moment that I realized all the sacrifices of sleep in the am and evenings after work, scolding from my trainer to eat clean and wanting to enjoy eating like a fat girl but knowing I can't afford to has PAID OFF!!! Make no mistakes WLS has helped in the beginning but at the end of the day iiiiiiii am putting in that WORK! Nothing great comes from half azzin and to be honest, it's been 2 yrs and it's still a learning curve for me. It's a lifestyle change. U slowly but surely cut toxic shyt out here n there and notice u won't even crave it no more. I'll get more into that later....back to this sweater revelation lol. 

Do you see what size this is....Meeeee? Size...what? SMALL??? GTFOH!!!! To think I was just wearing size 2-3x's and here I am fitting a small shirt from the skinny girl section of Forever 21 O_O Yaaaaaas Byyyyyyytch **twerks profusely** Now if only my thighs can follow suit and get in formation I'd be a happy camper :) I will say one thing...losing weight has taken my boobs from the luscious bombshell of Anna Nicole's to deflating just sit on a whoopee cushion azz Baddie Winkles:

@baddiewinkle on twitter

I am not yet at my goal but slowly but surely I'm getting there. I'm not here to preach nor teach. Just merely showing u better than I can tell you. Determination, Commitment and Consistency works. If u are like me, u wanna see results overnight but I've learned to be patient and just keep at it. My trainer says it all the time...u can't out exercise a bad diet. I take tips n tricks from those before me who I've always admired from afar while on the bench. More on that later tho...I just wanna also point out that although the angle of the selfies can make u appear thinner/smaller or thicker than what appears make no mistakes my waist is getting SNIZZATCHED!!! 

There is no waist trainer, spanx or holding my BREFF for awwwwwwwl luh dis hunty!! While my body is under construction I don't wanna reveal too much **tee hee** But I would hope to toss out some boudoir pics by the Fall **looks at anonymous photographer** So once again another win for stepping out on faith n trying on a top I never thought I could fit. Ya never know. Til next time....

Smooches

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Life after WLS

There was once upon a time you would've never seen me in a bathing suit. One becuz I don't swim but also becuz I wasn't comfortable being half naked EEEK!! I actually have a pic in my swimsuit from the first drag cruise that I told Marci should never see the light of day lol. EEeeeeeh I might drop it one day as a before n after but for now that shyt will be locked AWAY!! I don't think I've blogged about my weight loss since revealing HOW and this month will make it 2 years since I've had it. I figure I'd slowly but surely elaborate on what I still struggle with.

I just knew after I got surgery and started bootcamp within my 1st year anniversary I would've made my goal weight of 175. Ummm yea nah!! I am teetering between 195 and 200 easy!! 195 is a good week/month where I eat right and exercise. 200 is when I'm on my fat girl shyt n skipping anything remotely close to bootcamp. When you are on your own journey DO NOT get caught up in comparing urself to others. How someone else loses might not work for u. I know me personally...I can't n shan't even lie to myself thinking I can do whatever particular diet or challenge cuz I don't like restrictions. I can't live the rest of my life eating salads. I'm too loyal to chicken to ever cut out meat and no I'm not giving up sugar!! What works for ME is simply not over eating the wrong things. I can lose weight alone with clean eating. When I wanna kick it up a notch I'll incorporate BC but it's not mandatory for me. I'm in a good space right now and semi-content where I am. I say semi- becuz no I am not where I wanna be but I'm not 290 lbs either. I've always been comfortable in my skin but I am now comfortable with my body. 

It still baffles me and seems unbelievable that I am a smaller size (FYI: 12/14) becuz I've been well over a size 16 for sooooo long. When you lose a great amount of weight-for me-It also mentally adjusts ur brain. When I shop I still go directly to the plus size section becuz my brain is wired to thinkin I'm still plus size. Don't get me wrong...for some brands I do still fall within the plus size chart becuz of my height (or thighs). I literally had a pause n breakdown moment when I went into the dressing room and was able to comfortably get in a size 12 or a medium shirt or even Large sized pants. Dresses can be tricky tho cuz I have lost my boobs, slimming waist yet these dmn thighs remind me I'm stiiiiiiiiill here :7 But yea so I had a moment in the dressing room where I literally shed a tear becuz it feels like just yesterday where I was sucking in my stomach to button a size 18 jeans up or bulging out of an XL shirt that looked like a muscle shirt on me...laaaawd don't make me get the testifying up in here **cue tambourine** but ya get my jist. I've been learning it's so much more to it when losing weight that I never really thought about-mentally!!

Come thruuuu Eliza J (nordy rack) Size 14 (she fits kinda small)

I appreciate all the love, support and interest in my story. I paid the info forward to someone who also went to Mexico and to see her progress is amazing. Like wow, I looked at Tai before me who did it in awe n inquired; someone watched my progress did the same and we all made the decision to make it happen. I scroll thru my timeline like dmn we've come a loooong way. Regardless in however you embark on your journey just be realistic and be happy. I get comments like "oh I've only lost 2 lbs this week" and I think we should celebrate small victories. We wanna lose so much, so fast, so soon that when you don't wake up 20 lbs lighter after a day, week or month you feel defeated. I teeter between 195 and 200 becuz I'm not consistent. If I don't exercise and eat right-basically do nothing, I lose nothing. When I'm in grind mode it takes me well over 30 days of consistency n determination for results. Again...thats just me!!

Smooches

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How I Lost Weight

I feel this should be a pretty popular post since I get the questions asked quite often lately. I might have to break this up in more than one post becuz yall know I write a lot lol. I think I've been putting this post off for a while now becuz I don't even know where to begin and contemplated IF I should even start. I just knew in my heart of hearts I couldn't continue journaling with my "life of uh former fat girl" series if I skipped over the beginning. If you read my A-Ha moment than I'll pick up where I left off and as usual I'm gonna be real, raw and transparent as I can possibly be....

A few years ago when I noticed my weight would go up and down I considered lipo. I didn't care to focus on anything other than the removal of my big azz gut. I threw it out there and folks laughed at me. Why people always take me for a joke oooooh I don't know but I was serious yet not serious. It was then I conjured up every possible way to see how I could go about this lipo. I came across all types of weight loss surgeries but I knew dmn well my insurance wasn't having it. I wasn't big enuff to qualify for gastric bypass so I looked into the lap band. My doctor was like ummm no and stated I didn't need it BUT she did give me a heads up on the process. Basically I'd have to lose 20lbs on my own, go in front of a board of doctors who would approve or disapprove and take a host of classes n blah blah blah. I'm liiiiike if I could lose the 20 on my own I wouldn't be askin in the first place-DUH! The lap band was a no go anyways cuz after I did more research on it, I found too many complications that could come with it like the band slippin, ending up wit 2 stomachs n that alone was enuff for me to be like yea umm NO! My curly sister Tai had posted something about losing weight around Oct/Nov 2013 and I hit her up to ask what, when and how. She told me of the diet she was on to lose the weight and I was still skeptical. I think I'm pretty much allergic to diets. I see all these shake challenges, no sugar diets, phk carb diets, drink the sweat from monkey balls diet and everyone miraculously loses weight. I was like ummm yea lemme sit back n do more research on this til I fully commit. I clocked her progress and bombarded her wit tons of questions. She was really patient with me but I was just so intrigued especially to see such amazing results. In the midst of watching her I was trying to do my own thing ie gym, eat right n whatever else that clearly was not working. Finally Feb 2014 after gathering all the facts I could, getting answers to all the questions I had, joining forums and support groups I made my mind up to go for the gusto and make what would be the best decision of my life....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I scheduled my appointment to have Gastric Sleeve Surgery!!!! BOOM!!! Not only did I decide on weight loss surgery (WLS) I had it done in MEXICO!! BOOM-POW!! Whatever u are thinking, I've heard it all and before u judge please know-u don't know my story. I booked my appt in Feb for April so I had 2 months to gear up to take the plunge. I only told a select group of people. Why? Becuz I know the stigma and stereotype behind getting surgery in foreign countries and I honestly didn't need a whole bunch of people in my ear about it. My friends tried to talk me out of it in any way possible but I've never been the one to fall into peer pressure. When my mind is made up it's just that. I know what I want and I go hard at it. I did the research. I learned the pros and cons and I made the choice of the sleeve becuz it was the least amount of risk for complications. To do something so permanent initially scared me but I had to be optimistic of the outcome. Why Mexico? I knew I wouldn't get approved thru my insurance company and IF I did have that possibility it would take a good 6-9 months sometimes longer to make it through the process beginning to end. I had carried my weight far too long. The cost is mainly the reason for medical tourism in foreign countries so let me break it down really quick: here in the states the surgery can cost u from $18-40k and Mexico $4-8k. Oh but wait...u don't trust doctors in Mexico huh? I think people seem to forget the majority of malpractice here in the states does actually happen too. I AM NOT SPEAKIN ON ALL SURGERIES AND ALL FOREIGN DOCTORS. At the end of the day whether u get surgery in the states or outside the states....DO YOUR RESEARCH!! I did extensive research as I do anything I show interest in. I didn't necessarily go with the cheapest yet I went off a referral from Tai. She passed on everything she knew and I took it from there. So within those 2 months aka my waiting period, I went back and forth with my decision. I was standing strong in my decision but I would be lying if I didn't slightly think of the cons my select group of people would put in my head. What if I go over there and die? What if my surgery doesn't go right? All types of what if's circled in my head but seeeee I'm the type of person who's like anything can happen to anybody no matter where u are. I feel like my life is written and only God knows how I'm suppose to go out. That's why I have no fear of dying. Folks see plane crashes on tv and never wanna fly. For what? U see car accidents everyday but still drive don't u. I've seen plenty of Final Destination movies to know...u can't hide from the grim reaper lol.

 

April 2014

 

It's Friday and I'm headed out to Mexico, by myself, not knowing what to expect. I get to the airport and meet up with 2 other women who are there for the same thing. We all greet each other as we learn we're waiting for the same ride to see the same doctor. One laydee brought her bestie who had the surgery the previous year so she was instantly our "guide". We get to the medical facility (no it's not a hospital like here) and we meet with the doctor. My doctor explained the process thoroughly. He doesn't do more than 3 surgeries a day and does the proper blood work to determine if he'll proceed or not. I felt at ease. We all swapped stories on how we ended up in Mexico and what we were looking forward to after the success of the surgery. The nurses are such angels and catered to our every need. As I'm getting blood work done and medication I notice the facility is clean-cleaner than back at home believe it or not and I am the last one up to bat. The nurse comes in and says "ok the laydeez before u went well and ur next". HOLY SHYT my heart starts beating a tad bit faster and my tough girl exterior slowly fades. I can NOT believe I'm really about to do this. If I don't make it what will become of Mason? Awww dmn my makeup stash which I'm sure my sisters wont have a problem shuffling through **rolls eyes** So I get wheeled in the operation room and my head is on swivel at all the medical equipment which I meeeean looks pretty up to date to me. My palms are sweaty and I'm just continuously praying to the good Lord above to do me right. I'm looking at the doctor who's prepped up and he begins to again explain what he's gonna do to me. As he's talkin I totally hear his voice go to something I can understand to Charlie Brown's teacher becuz my mind is racing with so many thoughts at this point. Fast fwd...I wake up from surgery which was a success! Thank God. I am comfortably taken care of and I'm like WOW! Kisha u crazy as hell but u did it. 

 

 



 

Saturday we are closely monitored to make sure everything's on track to heal up well. I had no appetite but it don't matter if u do cuz u can't eat shyt but a popsicle which seemed like the best dmn popsicle I ever had in my life. I sent a message to let my peeps know I'm still alive and rest easy. YES, I have all my organs mmmm k lol. Sunday me and my newfound sleeve sister go to the Recovery House outside the facility. We are both excited and reflecting on our "fat days" already. By Monday I was flyin' back home and recovery time was a breeze. What I did isn't for everyone and nothing comes easy. I made the decision to do WLS to merely use it as a tool to jumpstart myself to healthy living. Some people may look at it as if ur cheating or not doing it the "right way" but at the end of the day I don't regret my decision one bit and would do it again in a heart beat. When people hear Mexico they instantly go to the image media portrays depicting a 3rd world country or Mexican hoodlums kidnapping Americans. Even vacationing I've never felt unsafe and I like to venture off tourist spots n kick it with the locals.

 

Tai & I

 

 

I tell Tai all the time but this woman literally saved my LIFE!! Had she not been open to share her own journey I don't think I would've ignited the fire I had to make the moves I did to make it happen. I did what I had to do for ME. I can't take care of my family if I don't have my own shyt together. Like I always say...I have nothing to prove to nobody. If u wanna lose weight naturally, do that but don't bash others who chose a different path to get to the finish line. Everyone has their own stories and ur journey is just that-YOUR OWN. Quiet as kept what u don't know is surgery is the easy part and the real challenge comes AFTER.  I didn't just wake up after surgery 100lbs lighter. I still had to put in work to get to where I am today. It's not easy and please know, I am not an advocate or poster child for the gastric sleeve procedure and I can only give u advice and answer questions from what iiiiiiiii went through. I didn't follow the rules n did my own thing as far as properly caring for urself afterwards. I still keep in touch with my sleeve sisters and peek into the forums to keep up with what to expect years down the line. It's been a year and it's only the beginning for me. I'm still learning how to utilize my sleeve. I purposely didn't go into what the sleeve actually is becuz if ur interested u need to google it and read up on the many articles n info available on the web. I am here for any questions u have pertaining to MY experience. From what I've learned (and seen) more people participate in medical tourism with plenty of successful stories than what's put out there yet they only harp on that one mishap to ruin everyone's perception. Cost isn't the only reason people go overseas for procedures. U have privacy and better care. My nurses and treatment was better in Mexico than when I was stuck in the hospital for 4 days after giving birth in DC. Eventually I wanna go back for "plastics" but that's no time soon. WELP!! Glad I got that off my chest and into the universe. Now I can proceed to talk about the REAL work that starts and the emotional rollercoaster losing weight brings. That's the part I didn't prep for and now I understand why insurance companies would make u take therapy sessions BEFORE surgery becuz it really is....I can't explain it but it's something else.

 

 

 

 

 

Smooches

 

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My A-HA moment

So after realizing Mason's race was NOT my "A-HA" moment, I continued to yo-yo back n forth, up and down struggling to lose weight. My impatience was getting the best of me but there was no way I could continue to ignore random swollen feet..I'm talkin Kim K preggers feet at any given moment especially if I was on em for an extended period of time. I would be at work with my foot propped up trying to think of how much salt I had cuz it wasn't the swine (as old folks say). I had never been a snore-er-NEVER!! I used to throw things at my stepsis becuz she snored so loud but ummm I pretty much became THAT person. Sometimes I'd snore so loud I woke my dmn self up like "WTF who's making all that noise?" oh! me. I started to get acid reflux alot becuz I am a lover of spicy foods!! OMG I looooove spicy foods but having em before bed sometimes I fell asleep and dmn near choked waking up-sorry can't explain it and never looked it up! Every time I went to the doctor she'd be like "u know we need this weight to come down right" and suggest I'd see a nutritionist. At this point my gym days went from a few times a week to non-existent as I used the same excuses most people have: I don't have time, I don't feel like it, it's too hot, I ran over a unicorn and **insert any holiday where u feel the need to have a pass to be greedy** and at this point I'm tipping the scale at 290 thinking dmn let me step on this scale again cuz I think it's broke lol.

 

 

Here I am, not really giving a dmn that I'm almost 300lbs...well I care but I don't care to be honest. I don't care becuz I feel like oh well, one day it'll magically fall off and I do care becuz my pants size is basically at a size 22, my shirts are 2X, my bra's are a size u definitely can't find in Victoria's Secret and why the phk do u have to pay an extra whatever amount for being plus size at some places?? okokok I know ur using "more" fabric but still **rolls eyes** I had all the reasons in the world to do right but I just couldn't bring myself to making that first step towards DO'IN. One day I think it was around Jan 2014 becuz I was starting to shop for spring time. I was in Torrid's and as usual headed straight for the sale rack. I grabbed a pair of size 22's and tried em on....I shimmy my fat azz in them jeans and errrr uuummmm I had to suck in the last breff I had to fasten em up. I'm thinkin to myself...oh I just gotta break these in lol or u know when u buy something smaller thinking it'll motivate u to just lose weight...yea ok! So as I'm in the dressing room doing the most jovial "massa tap dance for THE MAN" move to loosen these jeans up I just said PHK IT and grabbed a size 24 which I hated to admit fit perfectly. I never want to be one of those women in denial of their CO-RECK size nor was I gonna walk out with too small jeans knowing dmn well at any given time if I put on a tight fitting shirt I'd be lookin like every bit of Toad from Mario Brothers stuffed in some jeans! No Ma'am!! My mama raised me better than that. So here I am, standing in front of the mirror with these size 24's perfectly zipped n fitted to my body which I had let go of over the past 8 years, totally ignoring my ever so widening of a waist line and it was THAT very moment I had my nuff. It was that moment I kneeeew I couldn't let myself get any bigger and if I kept living the lifestyle I was living I would've continued to expand. AWWWW HELL NAW! I bought those jeans knowing it would be the last time I'd ever buy a size 24 pants. My lightbulb moment had finally hit me and it was time to put it in action. I had been so reluctant for so long and hated lookin so fat YET FAB in my pics. I was tired of watching everyone's before n after weight loss pics n vicariously living thru them so my first step was "I need to find a trainer ASAP". I was randomly scrolling along my IG and found this woman who I would come across posting her workout ethics and her clients before n after's. I followed her and kept up with her since I was on the prowl for a trainer. Excited n ready for a new journey to embark on while wearing these temporary jeans before they'd be too big **revs engine** I'm amped n ready to go! My trainer is a big part of my journey yet with life u just never know what curve balls it'll throw nor opportunities that present itself. It's funny how God works becuz as I sit here sipping water, I look back so thankful to have seen the light. How is it I ask for a trainer and one falls in my lap? It's all too real BUT there is another angel who I can say literally saved my life...

 

 

 

SMOOCHES

 



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Life Of Uh Former Fat Girl

 

When I have a random idea for a blog post especially something personal I sit on it for a few days pondering how I will format it, how it'll start off, what I'm gonna say and how I'll say it. Sometimes I type faster than my mind to process the words to be spewed out but nonetheless I prefer to be open and honest as possible. With honesty can come backlash becuz some people can't handle the truth, scared to face it or choose to ignore it. A lot of problems we quietly go through aren't talked about becuz in today's world we care what people think of us. We judge, stereotype and assume without asking questions nor talking directly to the person of interest. We add middle men in the mix vs going straight to the horses mouth with side eyes n whispers on what's going on **starts to sing** don't ask my neighbor!! As comedic as I am, I also have a soft emotional side that peaks out every now and then sooooo I've decided to do a series of my stories related to my weight loss journey-hence the title of this post. It's really just a journal for ME to look back on and pass along to whomever else gets it...no like REALLY gets it. When we see people's journey's in whatever it maybe ie hair, weight loss, motherhood, school n etc we normally see where we started and the happy ending. But what about the in between? What about what it takes to get there? Why don't we share the ugly side and the real struggles of the journey. I meeeean you can't possibly think shyt came easy do u? There's levels to this and becuz I am confident in the woman I am today nor do I care what people think of me I choose to open up and be completely honest becuz I know dmn well I can't be the only one who's going through these things. I will try-emphasis on TRY to do these series once a week but I can't promise u anything lol. Yall know I write too much so I gotta break em up for yall n give yall piece by piece...

 

 

 

Once upon a time I weighed 180. I was totally comfortable at that number and worked a good ol' dc gubment jawb from 9 to 5. Along came a bouncing baby boy and a new job doing shift work and before I knew it, that 180 turned into 230. The only way I noticed it was from the clothes I used to fit BEFORE mason would no longer zip up and buttons would hold on to dear life ready to burst any moment. If you have ever worked shift work or nights you can relate to horrible eating habits. The thing is....I never really ate a lot its just that when I did eat, it's junk food or fast food. When u work at the fire department them folks STAY cookin and when the holidays roll around the only DIET u see is commercials gearing up for the New Years. Now along with shift work, how about we add the many yo-yo's of a relationship from one person, failed relationships from a rebound, depression from trying to figure out where ur going in life, not being where u wanna be in life, mourning ur mom, paying endless bills, changing a schedule from 4 days off to ALL nights and every 2 days (and I dare not mention being bullied AT ur job but that's a whole nother topic) and stress all around u can easily go from 230 to a whopping 290lbs when u lack discipline and a phk to give! It happens so quick as if it happens overnight knowing dmn well u noticed them pants sizes going up every few months. Now don't get it twisted I've always been fly and fluffy but people are surprised to know that at 5'9 I was TWO HUNDRED AND NINETY POUNDS!!! EEEEK!! Maybe becuz I carried it well but when I took my clothes off I seen every bit of it. I was not happy but I was content. Content with ballooning to my heaviest becuz at the end of the day I ate good, traveled and Mason's very well taken care of. Did I know I should've been losing weight becuz I was living an unhealthy lifestyle? Of course! I had someone give me a reality check to say "u ain't press to lose weight cuz u still get attention from the fellas". Errr uhhh yeaaaa! Duuuh! Look at me **twirls around** Erybody love me...Ery-Erybody love me ;) BUT STILL the fellas was never my top priority becuz I have more to offer than just beauty. I was plain ol' lazy and didn't care. I had family and friends trying to motivate me to lose weight but lets be real here....u can tell a crackhead all day to get off drugs and it won't click until THEY are ready.

 

I joined a gym, tried eating salads, lose 1-2lbs a week, gain 3lbs the following week, repeat, fall off and again...still be where I started. My dad has been calling me FAT since I was 15 yrs old which is hilarious to me, friends would be concerned as if I was Gator from Jungle Fever stealing money to buy a 2 pc Popeye's special during the week but I get it, I get it...I'm loved but what people don't realize is nobody can change u but YOU!! Everybody has their own A-HA moment where the light bulb goes off whether it's a health scare, near death accident or for me the moment an active little boy wants to race you.



My sidekick, Mason was my A-HA moment. He always wants to be active but mainly race. I was not feeling that even with a cheating head start I could feel a dmn heart attack coming on! I was not about to be taken out nor defeated by this little boy who would eventually have bragging rights to beat me in a race. Awww hell naaaaw! I'm too competitive. The first step is to admit the problem which I had already done dmn near 100lbs ago. The hardest part is making the first step to DO. I procrastinate ALOT! In my head I can get up, go to the gym and walk the track for hours and eat healthy-IN MY HEAD. In reality I got my lazy azz right back in the bed after barely walking Mason to the bus stop, got up didn't feel like cookin so we ate out all the time, did overtime at work which led to more junk food n eating off the fly. I was no closer to my goal than when I had my A-HA moment. Well guess what...that wasn't my A-HA moment. Surely being around to watch Mason grow up was important to me. I meeeean who else is gonna teach him these hoez ain't loyal and who would take my place on Maury's stage when my sweet innocent angel who does no wrong is accused of fathering some random Thotty's child just cuz they got light eyes! I DONT THINK SO!! I have to be here to protect my baby. Just when u think u got the will power to do the right thing and make a step towards a healthy life....Buffalo Wild Wings Tuesday's roll around and u are easily defeated-Hey! Thai Curry is tough to resist mmmm k **le sigh**

Back at square one! But don't worry next week I'll speak on my REAL A-HA moment that woke me up. When it hits u, u will know-period. It feels different. You have a glimmer of hope to feel optimistic. When u truly are tired of something and ready to move forward there's a match that's lit and all the excuses u used to make are out the door. There was a spark that started and I had no idea how fast the fire would grow to what it's become today...

Smooches

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