Happy Sleeve-versary!! My tummy turns 4.

This April will mark 4 years since I jetted off to Mexico to get my gastric sleeve. Looking back I had some people who were for and against it. The thing with ME is...when I have my mind set on something and I've done the research to cement my decision-that is what it is. Peer pressure doesn't work with me. Anyhoo...fast forward to today: I'm still here :) It's definitely been a rollercoaster ride thus far. Although I'm not a poster child for the procedure lol, I'm always open to answering questions but I will always be honest with what iiiiiiiii have gone through.

If you think WLS is easy-think again! The toughest decision of it is actually settling on the decision to go thru it. It's not the easy way out or cheating becuz ur taking a different route to meet ur goal. 2+2=4; whether u solve it with 1+1+1+1, 2+1+1, 3+1, or hell 2x2 the answer is all the same right? A lot of times people are silent on how they lost weight through surgery becuz folks shame them or judge them for their choice. Look...I commend all those who can become gym rats n really grind hard through exercise and dieting-kudos!! What u not gonna do is think u can make me feel lesser than becuz of **feel free to refer to this previous post** Okay Okay Okay you ate a few more salads than me, u completed ur smoothie challenge n consistently utilized ur gym membership for the 12 months u signed up for. We get it. At the end of the day I still root for everybody becuz we can all get to the finish line together. My initial goal after surgery was and actually still is...175. 

The lowest I've toggled between is 192-200. I didn't realize it would be THIS hard until it dawned on me. It really is a lifestyle change. I can lose weight alone with just clean eating but when I amp it up with bootcamp (BC) I take it to a whole new level. I haven't been to bootcamp in about a year and I slightly miss Kenya becuz she really does hold you accountable. I can still hear her yelling at us and fussing becuz she can tell when we ate like shyt over the weekend or had too many cheat days. She literally curses u out with love "YOU CANNOT OUT EXERCISE A BAD DIET". I used to brush that phrase off often til the lightbulb clicked n I got serious. If what u doing not giving u the results u want...change it. I did BC 3x's a week n cut out carbs n fried foods. My biggest weakness is I don't drink enough water and I'm not a breakfast person so I'm quick to skip a meal (or 2-yikes). 

Another problem for me is staying consistent. I would go hard, get excited with losing weight n fall off. One cheat day turns into 2...and so on! Life happens. For me I started going back to school and I stopped making time for BC. We all make time for what we want. Yes, I should find the hour to make it happen n I don't. When I get back in go mode I know what to do n who to see. I feel like when u do WLS ur constantly under a microscope and there's some folks in the stands waiting for u to fail. Either way, I feel no pressure to be perfect becuz I know my taste for fried chicken will never leave me. 

Me...currently! I can safely round it up to 215. I got baby weight I didn't get rid of, picked up a bad habit of chocolate cashews n Starbucks mixed with plain ol' lazy. I can stand accountable for my lack of action but again...I'm not gonna beat myself up over it. You will lose the majority of ur weight after surgery within the first year. After that...it's really up to u whether u maintain ur loss or gain. Surgery is an aide. It doesn't do all the work for u. I've been in forums where folks think the sleeve "stopped working" n people do "pouch tests" where u try to "reset" ur body after regaining weight so u do the whole post-op diet of liquids (which I loosely followed). In their mind they think their stomach stretched. In other words...oh shyt I fallen back to bad habits of eating so surely that must mean my surgery has failed me **cue horror scream** 

Luckily and surprisingly for me...I am still comfortably in my size 14's yet creeping back to 16's. Becuz I know I don't want to ever hit 290 again I'm aware of my gain. The toleration with food has definitely changed since surgery. I've always been a lover of spicy foods; well...not anymore :( anything white i.e. bread, rice, hell even whole milk...Nope!! I learned to read labels but mainly taught from error cuz I be living on the edge. If I eat something too fast or too sweet...I get sick, mild stomach ache sick. I've experienced the infamous dumping syndrome ONE good time (it's rare for sleevers). It's NOT a good feeling n mine came late after lunch while at work. OMG I thought I was gonna phkn diiiiiiie!! I over ate-half a burger n 5 wings :7 I left feeling so full n I knew I phkd up. I went back to work n got the "itis" but I started getting so uncomfortable sitting down. I kept feeling like I had to go to the bathroom but nothing. Almost like I was backed up. I felt sick n just wanted to lay down. That shyt was scary becuz I was sweating n cramping just praying for it to be over asap. You literally have to eat a little bit at a time n let it marinate. Buffets don't benefit me and I hate it. Sometimes I wish I had my old stomach just to over indulge-ugh that sounds so fat of me **le sigh** I know! It's just such an adjustment that I didn't anticipate.

The downside of skipping surgery thru ur insurance is...you don't get the mandatory therapy needed as a heads up to the emotional effects from losing weight. Yes, u see me celebrating my victories and improvements of health. Behind closed doors what u don't see is...the struggles to break off my relationship with food. Peasantry foods aka fast foods I used to grab do nothing for me. Popeyes makes me sick, there's no way I could ever eat McDonald's anymore. I know, I know...I shouldn't be eating that shyt no ways but who doesn't love a good batch of McD's fries every once n a blue moon but I had to face the facts my appetite changed. I've had breakdowns in dressing rooms becuz I'm over joyed at being able to fit into something I didn't see myself getting back into. The fear of change in the form of losing weight still lingers and it can be depressing-weird right.

Thank God for support groups n forums to turn to. I've consistently read friend/relationships crumble n never understood how or why...well errrr ummm yea prepare for people to change. Now in MY case I wouldn't understand why it would happen becuz my confidence n self has been consistent whether 290 or not. Yet I've seen how folks change maybe now ur getting more attention, finally feeling good about ur self and that can bring out insecurities in others who aren't genuinely happy for u. I have learned having a positive support team makes a difference n who better to turn to than those who know what u goin thru. #HeySleeveSisters

Through the ups n downs, what I've grown to learn about myself (n others), I wouldn't change a thing. I don't regret the decision I made or even goin overseas to do it. I now make realistic goals. I know I'm not losing 10lbs in a week n I don't feel like a failure. I celebrate small victories at a time i.e. no Starbucks for a month!! I'm more aware of my mood changes and adjusting to a new quality of life #HelloNoThighChaffing :) If ur considering surgery thinking it'll be a quick fix or you'll be happier becuz ur lighter-think again! After the honeymoon phase ur more than likely to gain some back...to be honest it's almost inevitable and there's no escaping exercise **cue Kim K ugly cry** The good news is...it's never too late. Everyday u wake up is a clean slate to do right n make better choices. My success story is forever to be continued...

Smooches

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Labels: Life Of Uh Former Fat Girl