Being Selfish As A Mother


As I am getting my mojo back through pampering, shopping and my new fave...womb therapy, I dmn near feel like a new woman. My energy n feeling great on life is at an all time high. As a mother we tend to lose our mojo's becuz we put others before us. I have been able to happily say NO when needed. I just refuse to stress or let others stress me. We must be accountable for our actions n take notice on problems we create that can often times be avoided sooo..YES, I put MYSELF before my child and NO, I don't feel bad about it.

I love me some Mason, lawd knows I do but if mama ain't right then u might as well knock over the Jenga tower cuz it's a wrap! GAME OVER! My sweet innocent angel will be ELEVEN YEARS OLD on the 22nd this month. EEEEK!!! The first 10 yrs have just flown by so I asked him "what do you expect turning 11?" and he responds "more responsibility" **hi five** ya dmnnnnn right. Ya knooooow, it's funny people criticized Michelle Obama's speech on how we nurture n coddle our boys so much becuz "what does she know when she has girls" :7 well it's true...for others not me lol. I have been putting in work with balancing him being a child and teaching him real life skills he'll be using in 7 years. Let's be real...if the first 10 yrs flew quick u think the next 10 coming up? Mason is more responsible than kids older than him. Does he still phk up? Yup! He's still hard headed n the typical boy but he quickly falls back in line knowing how crazy yet petty his mama is. Becuz he's at a point of taking care of himself (sans financially lol) it leaves more room for me to make time for self. I remember when he was younger I would want to shop for myself but came back with everything for him. Skip a pampering day for him. I got side eyed leaving him wit his dad at 4 or 5 months old for a girls trip. Ummm where in the parenting handbook does it say I am obligated to be enslaved to this child I gave birth to? I am not that overly attached mother afraid to not be within arms reach of my child for a certain amount of time n I don't love him any less. 

Cape by Rahyma

I make it my business to budget for my pamper days to include nails, pedi, massage, wax, hair, shopping, movie time n dinner table for one-all that. It makes me feel good n keeps me sane. Keeps me in a better mood putting myself first. I am refreshed n rejuvenated to keep up wit his azz. TREAT YO SELF!!! These kids got n get more than we have anyways n honestly don't even need it. If I could've kept a receipt for all the...nehmind..bout to make myself mad thinking bout it **rolls eyes** anyhoo...I say all that to say...don't feel bad for treating urself or taking time out for urself. 

You are deserving and worth it. You owe it to urself. With younger kids, their not able to fully appreciate u just yet. I know Mason thinks I'm an ATM with never ending funds to dispense at his leisure **le sigh** so I make it priority to keep sane hence my Saturday morning runs to Starbucks n Wegman's. My peace n serenity is important to my overall being. We all could use a moment of clarity to reflect n just enjoy time to self. Taking a break from being a mom sheesh. Hell these days I even take advantage of a quiet house while he's gone n take a bubble bath-it counts n makes a difference. I know n understand how overwhelming it can be as a working mom n getting lost in the hustle n bustle of life. There's only 24 hrs in a day n u wanna figure out how to add more buuuut we can't so make YO'SELF a priority. 


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Shyt Nobody Talks About


For the most part, I consider myself more private than you'd expect-to a certain extent tho if that makes sense. I am an open book becuz I don't mind sharing MY experience n life lessons yet the introvertness in me also comes into play where I actually enjoy hibernating n having a moment to self more times than not (plus the fakeness of social media is just omg).

I've contemplated for months even announcing and now speaking on it but shyt nobody talks about is the bad. the unexpected. the changes. the loss. the consequences. For the most part, I've adopted a very positive attitude especially after witnessing and experiencing the power of the tongue and speaking things into existence. I wake up every day thankful and grateful whether it's a pay day or I got $20.67 in my account. Biggest weight that's been lifted off my shoulder was the moment I stopped chasing money cuz then it started chasing me. I don't speak broke off my tongue. I was prolly more "broke" chasing money n I remember those days laaaawd jesus **refer to any previous post of my public safety days**!!! So now I chase happiness. As I'm getting older and more settled in my ways, the little things mean so much to me. Mason randomly saying he loves me-priceless. Nature walks and enjoying fresh air amongst calmness and serenity-priceless. Spending time with family and friends-priceless. Going to work with a peace of mind-priceless. Saturday mornings in Annapolis-priceless. Overall quality of life!! I am currently not in my dream home, married with 3 kids and picket fence, working in my dream job, I eat meat, still inching closer to my Associate's Degree, still single (dating sux) and guess what...stress free, drama free and happy!

Finding happiness n being comfortable doesn't mean every day I wake up is chocolate n rainbows. I am still a woman. I am still human. There are days I don't feel as confident or secure with myself because I might beat myself up over anything from my weight to a pimple on my nose. I have moments where I feel like being social and times I hibernate and shut everyone off to catch up on my DVR. As the seasons change and holidays roll around I still miss my mommy even after 17 yrs. but I draw my power in knowing how resilient I am. I also can't complain because I know it could be worse. If you actually pause after you complain about whatever it may be, I promise you'll STFU when you learn someone would love to trade places with what you think is hard. Hell watch the news n go from there.

I was ever so blessed about 6 months ago to be preggers. The whole time was pure LOVE!! No issues, no morning sickness, never threw up once and life was grand. It was nothing I really kept a secret n just hid in plain view lol. You can scroll back on pics from the summer but thanx to angles n the fact that I don't really get belly bumps til after 5 months you wouldn't be able to tell. the weeks rolled on long story short: went into preterm labor n lost the baby :( Yes heartbreaking and sad times. I could've very easily wallowed in misery and sat around depressed for weeks on end but I chose not to. Did I mourn privately and cry? Of course-contrary to popular belief I DO have a heart. This was almost something I didn't want to share but I pride myself on being transparent, open n honest. I have no problem sharing the good, I shouldn't shun away from sharing the bad. Again, shyt nobody talks about-the bad!!

Life doesn't always go as we expect it. We tend to think we got it all figured out going in the direction what we want and then God swoops in to remind you, ur NOT in control. I am okay! I have enjoyed every moment of being preggers, learning of the development week by week but more importantly having THE BEST baby daddies by my side every step of the way-like's unreal. To get deep and put it into perspective: they're women who try years to get pregnant n now more often than not resorting to IVF's n etc. I am almost 37 and after one try-BAM!! Some women don't make it to their 2nd trimester yet I was blessed to make it and felt the little guy kickin. There are stories of unsuccessful pregnancies that have been waaaaaay worse than mine. There's also someone who would've loved to get to make it as far as I've gotten. Despite the outcome, I am still grateful for the experience. Blessed beyond what I've ever expected with support. 

I promote a positive ATTITUDE because I have enjoy'd the benefits it has for me. I am optimistic about the future. I look forward to what the next chapter in life God has in store for me. My attitude on how I handle things in life maybe different from yours. That's ok! There's no right or wrong way on how to grieve n deal with deaths n losses (becuz a loss isn't always death). My boys take care of me, Mason has been a helluva backbone in putting up with my laziness n mood swings (he's checked me a few times like chill Ma) but figured I'd share it on this platform becuz I'm a much better writer than speaker. There's a whole community of women who've gone through the same plus some yet don't speak about it in fear of being judged or less than a woman. Eeeeeh what others think of me doesn't faze me **shrugs**Sometimes I don't even realize my own strength until time passes and I look back sway? how did I overcome such a time. Women are stronger than we give ourselves credit for. The things we go through physically n emotionally is truly inspiring n makes me even more proud to be a woman. We are to be celebrated n more respected so I carry myself as such-Queening!!


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Tis the Season to shop SEPHORA!!!!!

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In the makeup world this is what we liiiiiiiive for which happens every Fall-SEPHORA SALE!!! Depending on your beauty level you get 20% or 15% and it's limited to certain dates to shop. Because  I think I've been around for a few years now, I'm kinda hip and know how to play the game now. As a makeup lover, I didn't make it to being VIBR off pennies honey, yet as a current VIB I've learned to scale it back n shop a tad better. Fall/Winter Collections have been rolling out since about ooooh end of September. After this sale ends, you'll notice around the end of this month n definitely by December that Spring 2018 Collections will start previewing n will roll out by Jan/Feb. Aaaaaah so strategic right. That's why my shopping rule is to shop the next season ahead of time. I normally stop buying winter clothes around now. 

HIGHLIGHTERS!!! HIGHLIGHTERS!! HIGHLIGHTERS!!! It's the biggest pimp in the game around holiday time. It's all about the glow and we gravitate towards it by any means necessary. I now opt for a more subtle grown folks glow i.e. Bobbi Brown, Dior, dab of MAC to name a few. Gold is normally the top shade to get, I am more of a rose gold lover at the moment but with so many choices in brands n finishes how in the world do u shop this opportunity to saaaaave **dun dun duuuuun**

If your a beginner or not really into makeup on a higher level than I would suggest palettes or sets to try from brands you may have had on your radar or just curious to try esp lipstick sets. I've found a lot of new loves through sets and went on to buying them full size. Now I will say...u have to be careful with some brands becuz their palettes might not be as of the same quality as their full size **cough NARS...BECCA...** so I will often check makeup blogs for reviews and swatches to see what i'll dump in my cart. Bobbi Brown has a REALLY good highlighter palette that I would've definitely grabbed but I already have 2 of the 3 shades in the palette. 

This is the time makeup lovers go for the higher end or more expensive splurges to save on. The Viseart palettes (first pic above) which i hold near n dear to my heart as my FAVES are normally $80 but w/the sale it's $64. Now that I'm more aware of my wants n needs this year I'm going for skincare and perfumes. I still have makeup I grabbed from last year's sale I haven't touched yet :( and I'm currently de-stashing to downsize because I'm so basic faced now n days (and phasing out cheap shyt for my high end). When I do throw on a turn up face it lacks color unless I pop a liner on my bottom lash line. Ugh!!! I miss the clown face days but my inner drag will forever be in my heart <3 

It's so easy to get caught up in the hype and the cute packaging but STAY FOCUSED!!! I had to learn the hard way. I keep my limit at $250 and remember, even if it's sold out and labeled "limited edition" it WILL always roll back around again (and again, and again **side eye MAC Whisper of Guilt**) plus after this Fall sale, Sephora throws in another quick $20-25 off $50+ orders around Xmas time. Shyt I would skip...unless it's a SET..anything $35 n under because you can always grab those on your own. If your really good at the game there's some brands n products u can gauge to hold off on cuz it'll end up on sale anyways i.e. Tarte, Cover FX, Kat Von D (mainly lipsticks), Urban again-don't fret. Narrow your list down to what you really wanna treat urself to n be realistic to what u really need. This post alone makes me wanna shop my own stash before I pull the trigger during this sale :7 

SN: If your in the market for gotta be swift cuz VIBR's take no prisoners n leave those below with scraps!!! Foundations are the top sellers in sales becuz we normally take advantage to re-up or even try a new brand. 

Reminder of sale dates: VIBR n VIB 20%, BI 15% Nov. 10-15th

HAPPY SEPHORA SHOPPING!!! I look forward to seeing many many many hauls to live vicariously through yo bags :)

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