Shyt Nobody Talks About

For the most part, I consider myself more private than you'd expect-to a certain extent tho if that makes sense. I am an open book becuz I don't mind sharing MY experience n life lessons yet the introvertness in me also comes into play where I actually enjoy hibernating n having a moment to self more times than not (plus the fakeness of social media is just omg).

I've contemplated for months even announcing and now speaking on it but shyt nobody talks about is the bad. the unexpected. the changes. the loss. the consequences. For the most part, I've adopted a very positive attitude especially after witnessing and experiencing the power of the tongue and speaking things into existence. I wake up every day thankful and grateful whether it's a pay day or I got $20.67 in my account. Biggest weight that's been lifted off my shoulder was the moment I stopped chasing money cuz then it started chasing me. I don't speak broke off my tongue. I was prolly more "broke" chasing money n I remember those days laaaawd jesus **refer to any previous post of my public safety days**!!! So now I chase happiness. As I'm getting older and more settled in my ways, the little things mean so much to me. Mason randomly saying he loves me-priceless. Nature walks and enjoying fresh air amongst calmness and serenity-priceless. Spending time with family and friends-priceless. Going to work with a peace of mind-priceless. Saturday mornings in Annapolis-priceless. Overall quality of life!! I am currently not in my dream home, married with 3 kids and picket fence, working in my dream job, I eat meat, still inching closer to my Associate's Degree, still single (dating sux) and guess what...stress free, drama free and happy!

Finding happiness n being comfortable doesn't mean every day I wake up is chocolate n rainbows. I am still a woman. I am still human. There are days I don't feel as confident or secure with myself because I might beat myself up over anything from my weight to a pimple on my nose. I have moments where I feel like being social and times I hibernate and shut everyone off to catch up on my DVR. As the seasons change and holidays roll around I still miss my mommy even after 17 yrs. but I draw my power in knowing how resilient I am. I also can't complain because I know it could be worse. If you actually pause after you complain about whatever it may be, I promise you'll STFU when you learn someone would love to trade places with what you think is hard. Hell watch the news n go from there.

#VulnerableMoment

I was ever so blessed about 6 months ago to be preggers. The whole time was pure LOVE!! No issues, no morning sickness, never threw up once and life was grand. It was nothing I really kept a secret n just hid in plain view lol. You can scroll back on pics from the summer but thanx to angles n the fact that I don't really get belly bumps til after 5 months you wouldn't be able to tell. Anyhoo...as the weeks rolled on long story short: went into preterm labor n lost the baby :( Yes heartbreaking and sad times. I could've very easily wallowed in misery and sat around depressed for weeks on end but I chose not to. Did I mourn privately and cry? Of course-contrary to popular belief I DO have a heart. This was almost something I didn't want to share but I pride myself on being transparent, open n honest. I have no problem sharing the good, I shouldn't shun away from sharing the bad. Again, shyt nobody talks about-the bad!!

Life doesn't always go as we expect it. We tend to think we got it all figured out going in the direction what we want and then God swoops in to remind you, ur NOT in control. I am okay! I have enjoyed every moment of being preggers, learning of the development week by week but more importantly having THE BEST baby daddies by my side every step of the way-like seriously...it's unreal. To get deep and put it into perspective: they're women who try years to get pregnant n now more often than not resorting to IVF's n etc. I am almost 37 and after one try-BAM!! Some women don't make it to their 2nd trimester yet I was blessed to make it and felt the little guy kickin. There are stories of unsuccessful pregnancies that have been waaaaaay worse than mine. There's also someone who would've loved to get to make it as far as I've gotten. Despite the outcome, I am still grateful for the experience. Blessed beyond what I've ever expected with support. 

I promote a positive ATTITUDE because I have enjoy'd the benefits it has for me. I am optimistic about the future. I look forward to what the next chapter in life God has in store for me. My attitude on how I handle things in life maybe different from yours. That's ok! There's no right or wrong way on how to grieve n deal with deaths n losses (becuz a loss isn't always death). My boys take care of me, Mason has been a helluva backbone in putting up with my laziness n mood swings (he's checked me a few times like chill Ma) but figured I'd share it on this platform becuz I'm a much better writer than speaker. There's a whole community of women who've gone through the same plus some yet don't speak about it in fear of being judged or less than a woman. Eeeeeh what others think of me doesn't faze me **shrugs**Sometimes I don't even realize my own strength until time passes and I look back like...how sway? how did I overcome such a time. Women are stronger than we give ourselves credit for. The things we go through physically n emotionally is truly inspiring n makes me even more proud to be a woman. We are to be celebrated n more respected so I carry myself as such-Queening!!

Smooches

SHARE:

Labels: Fashion