How I Lost Weight


I feel this should be a pretty popular post since I get the questions asked quite often lately. I might have to break this up in more than one post becuz yall know I write a lot lol. I think I've been putting this post off for a while now becuz I don't even know where to begin and contemplated IF I should even start. I just knew in my heart of hearts I couldn't continue journaling with my "life of uh former fat girl" series if I skipped over the beginning. If you read my A-Ha moment than I'll pick up where I left off and as usual I'm gonna be real, raw and transparent as I can possibly be....

A few years ago when I noticed my weight would go up and down I considered lipo. I didn't care to focus on anything other than the removal of my big azz gut. I threw it out there and folks laughed at me. Why people always take me for a joke oooooh I don't know but I was serious yet not serious. It was then I conjured up every possible way to see how I could go about this lipo. I came across all types of weight loss surgeries but I knew dmn well my insurance wasn't having it. I wasn't big enuff to qualify for gastric bypass so I looked into the lap band. My doctor was like ummm no and stated I didn't need it BUT she did give me a heads up on the process. Basically I'd have to lose 20lbs on my own, go in front of a board of doctors who would approve or disapprove and take a host of classes n blah blah blah. I'm liiiiike if I could lose the 20 on my own I wouldn't be askin in the first place-DUH! The lap band was a no go anyways cuz after I did more research on it, I found too many complications that could come with it like the band slippin, ending up wit 2 stomachs n that alone was enuff for me to be like yea umm NO! My curly sister Tai had posted something about losing weight around Oct/Nov 2013 and I hit her up to ask what, when and how. She told me of the diet she was on to lose the weight and I was still skeptical. I think I'm pretty much allergic to diets. I see all these shake challenges, no sugar diets, phk carb diets, drink the sweat from monkey balls diet and everyone miraculously loses weight. I was like ummm yea lemme sit back n do more research on this til I fully commit. I clocked her progress and bombarded her wit tons of questions. She was really patient with me but I was just so intrigued especially to see such amazing results. In the midst of watching her I was trying to do my own thing ie gym, eat right n whatever else that clearly was not working. Finally Feb 2014 after gathering all the facts I could, getting answers to all the questions I had, joining forums and support groups I made my mind up to go for the gusto and make what would be the best decision of my life....

I scheduled my appointment to have Gastric Sleeve Surgery!!!! BOOM!!! Not only did I decide on weight loss surgery (WLS) I had it done in MEXICO!! BOOM-POW!! Whatever u are thinking, I've heard it all and before u judge please know-u don't know my story. I booked my appt in Feb for April so I had 2 months to gear up to take the plunge. I only told a select group of people. Why? Becuz I know the stigma and stereotype behind getting surgery in foreign countries and I honestly didn't need a whole bunch of people in my ear about it. My friends tried to talk me out of it in any way possible but I've never been the one to fall into peer pressure. When my mind is made up it's just that. I know what I want and I go hard at it. I did the research. I learned the pros and cons and I made the choice of the sleeve becuz it was the least amount of risk for complications. To do something so permanent initially scared me but I had to be optimistic of the outcome. Why Mexico? I knew I wouldn't get approved thru my insurance company and IF I did have that possibility it would take a good 6-9 months sometimes longer to make it through the process beginning to end. I had carried my weight far too long. The cost is mainly the reason for medical tourism in foreign countries so let me break it down really quick: here in the states the surgery can cost u from $18-40k and Mexico $4-8k. Oh but wait...u don't trust doctors in Mexico huh? I think people seem to forget the majority of malpractice here in the states does actually happen too. I AM NOT SPEAKIN ON ALL SURGERIES AND ALL FOREIGN DOCTORS. At the end of the day whether u get surgery in the states or outside the states....DO YOUR RESEARCH!! I did extensive research as I do anything I show interest in. I didn't necessarily go with the cheapest yet I went off a referral from Tai. She passed on everything she knew and I took it from there. So within those 2 months aka my waiting period, I went back and forth with my decision. I was standing strong in my decision but I would be lying if I didn't slightly think of the cons my select group of people would put in my head. What if I go over there and die? What if my surgery doesn't go right? All types of what if's circled in my head but seeeee I'm the type of person who's like anything can happen to anybody no matter where u are. I feel like my life is written and only God knows how I'm suppose to go out. That's why I have no fear of dying. Folks see plane crashes on tv and never wanna fly. For what? U see car accidents everyday but still drive don't u. I've seen plenty of Final Destination movies to know...u can't hide from the grim reaper lol.
April 2014
It's Friday and I'm headed out to Mexico, by myself, not knowing what to expect. I get to the airport and meet up with 2 other women who are there for the same thing. We all greet each other as we learn we're waiting for the same ride to see the same doctor. One laydee brought her bestie who had the surgery the previous year so she was instantly our "guide". We get to the medical facility (no it's not a hospital like here) and we meet with the doctor. My doctor explained the process thoroughly. He doesn't do more than 3 surgeries a day and does the proper blood work to determine if he'll proceed or not. I felt at ease. We all swapped stories on how we ended up in Mexico and what we were looking forward to after the success of the surgery. The nurses are such angels and catered to our every need. As I'm getting blood work done and medication I notice the facility is clean-cleaner than back at home believe it or not and I am the last one up to bat. The nurse comes in and says "ok the laydeez before u went well and ur next". HOLY SHYT my heart starts beating a tad bit faster and my tough girl exterior slowly fades. I can NOT believe I'm really about to do this. If I don't make it what will become of Mason? Awww dmn my makeup stash which I'm sure my sisters wont have a problem shuffling through **rolls eyes** So I get wheeled in the operation room and my head is on swivel at all the medical equipment which I meeeean looks pretty up to date to me. My palms are sweaty and I'm just continuously praying to the good Lord above to do me right. I'm looking at the doctor who's prepped up and he begins to again explain what he's gonna do to me. As he's talkin I totally hear his voice go to something I can understand to Charlie Brown's teacher becuz my mind is racing with so many thoughts at this point. Fast fwd...I wake up from surgery which was a success! Thank God. I am comfortably taken care of and I'm like WOW! Kisha u crazy as hell but u did it. 

Saturday we are closely monitored to make sure everything's on track to heal up well. I had no appetite but it don't matter if u do cuz u can't eat shyt but a popsicle which seemed like the best dmn popsicle I ever had in my life. I sent a message to let my peeps know I'm still alive and rest easy. YES, I have all my organs mmmm k lol. Sunday me and my newfound sleeve sister go to the Recovery House outside the facility. We are both excited and reflecting on our "fat days" already. By Monday I was flyin' back home and recovery time was a breeze. What I did isn't for everyone and nothing comes easy. I made the decision to do WLS to merely use it as a tool to jumpstart myself to healthy living. Some people may look at it as if ur cheating or not doing it the "right way" but at the end of the day I don't regret my decision one bit and would do it again in a heart beat. When people hear Mexico they instantly go to the image media portrays depicting a 3rd world country or Mexican hoodlums kidnapping Americans. Even vacationing I've never felt unsafe and I like to venture off tourist spots n kick it with the locals.
Tai & I
I tell Tai all the time but this woman literally saved my LIFE!! Had she not been open to share her own journey I don't think I would've ignited the fire I had to make the moves I did to make it happen. I did what I had to do for ME. I can't take care of my family if I don't have my own shyt together. Like I always say...I have nothing to prove to nobody. If u wanna lose weight naturally, do that but don't bash others who chose a different path to get to the finish line. Everyone has their own stories and ur journey is just that-YOUR OWN. Quiet as kept what u don't know is surgery is the easy part and the real challenge comes AFTER.  I didn't just wake up after surgery 100lbs lighter. I still had to put in work to get to where I am today. It's not easy and please know, I am not an advocate or poster child for the gastric sleeve procedure and I can only give u advice and answer questions from what iiiiiiiii went through. I didn't follow the rules n did my own thing as far as properly caring for urself afterwards. I still keep in touch with my sleeve sisters and peek into the forums to keep up with what to expect years down the line. It's been a year and it's only the beginning for me. I'm still learning how to utilize my sleeve. I purposely didn't go into what the sleeve actually is becuz if ur interested u need to google it and read up on the many articles n info available on the web. I am here for any questions u have pertaining to MY experience. From what I've learned (and seen) more people participate in medical tourism with plenty of successful stories than what's put out there yet they only harp on that one mishap to ruin everyone's perception. Cost isn't the only reason people go overseas for procedures. U have privacy and better care. My nurses and treatment was better in Mexico than when I was stuck in the hospital for 4 days after giving birth in DC. Eventually I wanna go back for "plastics" but that's no time soon. WELP!! Glad I got that off my chest and into the universe. Now I can proceed to talk about the REAL work that starts and the emotional rollercoaster losing weight brings. That's the part I didn't prep for and now I understand why insurance companies would make u take therapy sessions BEFORE surgery becuz it really is....I can't explain it but it's something else.

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Imperfectly Confident

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Tiffany Joseph Photography

I really wish I could hand out the confidence I possess to others. Some people might think it's vain but in actuality I'm pretty darn humble. It took a loooong time for me to get to this point. When u are goin thru those growin pains u can be pretty reckless with urself dealing with insecurities and lack of self-esteem. I see a lot of lost young girls (and adults) roaming the streets these days thinking u need to be half naked and twerking for attention. Sexy to me isn't the tightest body con dress u can squeeze into nor is it a low cut dress exposing boobs n the shortest skirt to flash ur azz. Sex appeal comes in to how well u carry urself. It's a certain type of swag u either got it or u don't. For me, I feel sexy in pants. I'm talkin wide leg preferably palazzo's and a crisp blouse. U have a certain air about urself depending on how u feel to coordinate with what u wear. U don't walk the same in jeans as u do dressed up or u might hold ur head high knowing u just got ur hair n nails done vs that off week (we all got em, dnt fake). Confidence is another thing that can't be taught nor bought. I have such a soft spot for short crop gals becuz I know u have to have a certain confidence within urself to pull it off. You have to really be sure of WHO u are to completely not have what some folks use as a security blanket. I don't wanna toot my own horn but lemme get on my Yeezy for a hot second:
One thing I know I can't do is apologize for being ME! There's only one of me for a reason-I'm just too much hunty! I am a woman in every sense of the word and I have insecurities-naturally. Do I lack confidence? NO!! Why? Becuz I don't look for validation from no man nor woman to define who I am. I've learned whether u do good or bad folks will always have something to say. You can be a pillar of ur community n folks will look for any loopholes from ur past to discredit u. Perfect or imperfect it don't matter soooo why should I care what someone thinks of me? When I'm fat they will talk. When I have less poundage they will talk. At the end of the day why would u be press to impress someone or pretend to be something ur not when they will still talk? I don't play into the smoke n mirrors folks play these days and it's kinda sad that people post up these "Life is Grand", "I Love Myself" and "Relationship Goals" facades to the universe knowing dmn well life isn't what it seems and they wanna fake as if everything is peachy!!  We don't know what folks do behind closed doors. You go off the appearance they present to u whether it's real or fake. People these days don't live in their truth becuz they care what people think of them!! Actually dmn I just freestyled that one and surprised even myself...lemme say it one more time: PEOPLE THESE DAYS DON'T LIVE IN THEIR TRUTH BECUZ THEY CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF THEM!!
There are miserable couples who are staying together knowing dmn well their heart isn't into it becuz their the examples to those who know them as "the perfect couple" so oh no they can't break up n let us down becuz who will we then look up to for "relationship goals" (hell u see media keeps divorcing Will n Jada). You have people in the closet and/or remain in denial becuz if they came out they fear ridicule from whomever. That one "I love myself" chick know dmn well she's hurt from her last relationship so she gotta pretend she's good and moved on to some new dude even tho she aint got over the last one. My thing is...when u love urself...I mean TRULY love yo' self-u don't have to make a billboard sign for it cuz it'll automatically show. I get it, I get it. Nobody wants to show their vulnerable side in fear of what others will say or think of them. Me personally...I have the most nonchalant, IDGAF type of attitude when it comes to people's opinions of me becuz I'm used to being prejudged n stereotyped before I even open my mouth. Why? Becuz of my appearance alone-I'm not eeeeeeven gonna go there wit the lightskin stigma. Do I have my bad days-Yes! I don't feel pretty every day. Am I single? Yes. Do I like it? No but I think too highly of myself to settle n be content. At this point in my life-it's mandatory to treat me right or u gots to go! I'm to the point I'm not even giving 2nd chances these days. For whaaaaat. We grown now! I kinda digressed but my nonchalant attitude comes from knowing I have nothing to prove to anybody-NOBODY!!! Also becuz I work hard for everything I have. I just can't seem to fathom the idea of entertaining people's FREE misconceptions n opinions of me.  I have always been a leader in my own right. I go left when others go right (not just cuz I'm left-handed #TeamFlanders). I'm an open book and I don't pretend to be someone I'm not. What u see is what u get wit me if u ever get to know me. My confidence comes from knowing I've overcome obstacles thrown at me whether planned or last minute. My confidence comes from proving those who counted me out wrong. My confidence comes from knowing I don't always have to use my words or bust u upside the head to prove my point. Sometimes what's understood doesn't have to be said. I am resilient and still standing. Materialistic things in life don't make or break me becuz I know what it's like to have and not have. So u dmn right with every step I take I feel like Wonder Woman and dmn it u should too.


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To piggy back off of my previous post I wanted to touch on this whole new epidemic of Anti-MakeupERS who feel the need to bash n judge those who wear it for whatever reason. I find it funny to see and hear men say they like their women "natural" with no makeup yet break their necks n drool over these IG models, Kim K wannabe's and etc. The endless jokes of sorcery, bein fake and having something to hide cuz u wear makeup is hilarious. Does anyone call out men for being out poppin bottles in the club knowin dmn well they got $2 in they pockets or splurging at the strip club when they don't pay child support or how bout claiming this newfound "Boss" title folks throw around n give us the impression becuz they drive fancy cars n wear nice clothes they ballin' but all the while moochin off a woman and broke living off scams-OOPS!!

I read endless comments from women on social media who say certain comments and it's merely becuz if ur not in the makeup world....u wouldn't understand it-point blank period! I used to feel I had to "dumb down" or suppress my love for makeup becuz I know yall dnt understand the excitement of what I feel when a new collection comes out. I can get lost in Sephora for hours on end and has gotten to the point where SOON as Mason sees those black n white stripe doors he does the biggest sigh ever and finds a spot in the corner to leave me be. I am a regular at my makeup counters and have established relationships with my gals (and gents) which come with plenty of VIP perks **pops collar** and they loooove me. I have resorted to go underground aka makeup forums to share my love and excitement in the world of makeup and I learn ALOT. I know of products that are in the making, what's new to try and even collections my peeps at the counters don't even know of lol. We speak a certain language ie MAC dupes for UTA are MLM & RRB!! I just wanna debunk some of the myths of those who don't understand us:

Women who wear makeup are insecure and have something to hide
Interesting!! I didn't know there were so many psychologist to diagnose makeup-ERS. I love how folks automatically judge n assume someone's lack of confidence merely becuz they throw on foundation. Are my under eyes darker than Wesley Snipes chin? YES! But the truth of the matter is...I'm in deez streets wit NO makeup on-ALL the time. I prolly throw a face on maaaaybe once a week and even that's pushin it. I am faaaar from insecure and I don't know of anyone who throws on a face becuz they feel insecure. I meeeean technically makeup doesn't change ur physical face (unless u not using ur correct shade lol).

Why would anyone wanna spend so much money on makeup
How is what iiiiii choose to spend myyyyy money on affect anybody? Does it come outta ur pocket? Do I ask u for anything? If I choose to eat oodles n noodles cuz I splurge on makeup or do somethin strange for some change **wipes corner of mouth** does that have any bearings on what YOU do with ur life? I dnt need to justify HOW I support my harmless addiction but my point is...does the earth stop turning? Does the clock pause? And does the world end? Everyone has their own vice! Everyone has something they love to spend their money on! It's funny when I overhear and see folks who aren't into makeup say "oh I would never spend that on blah blah blah" as they have a designer bag on their shoulder. U may choose to splurge on bags, weaves, clothes or whatever and I choose to COLLECT n have a habit in makeup. Plain n simple. I dnt like a lot of things (I just can't get wit sushi) but I wouldn't knock anyone cuz it's not MY style. I don't drink so I can't fathom the thought of dropping $40 plus on liquor but hey-that's just me!

You should learn to love yourself and just show your true natural self
Well, Well, Well if this ain't a bunch of crock if I've ever heard it. Can you imagine what people would look like on TV in videos and movies with NO MAKEUP??? EEEK!! Soooo lemme get this straight...I don't love myself becuz I like to toss shadow on my eyes n glide lipstick across my lips? I wanna see folks show their true natural self and stop faking like they can afford that Benz when they should really drive a Corolla. I wanna see folks show they true natural self n stop buying these fake azz designer bags. I wanna see men show they true natural self n stop holding on to that receding hairline or penciling in a Teddy Riley goatee that clearly won't ever connect. I like to dye my hair. Does that mean I don't love myself? Do you walk out the house with no deodorant on? Let ur natural scent come thru...come ooooon be natural right? yea ok!! Your true natural self is being who u are regardless of what u wear or have on ur face.

If you love to walk out the house wit no makeup-kudos to you for being boring n not exploring all that life has to offer u haha. No but really, who cares!! You don't get a special face award for going bare ya know. You secretly wanna do what we do and u just don't know how. Doesn't mean u need to bash how fab we look cuz ur dry dusty azz don't wear more than Vaseline on ur lips. Oh wait lemme guess..u don't have time to throw all this makeup on huh? Welp! people make time for what they want and I choose to carve out time to throw on a beat (extra time if I wanna fight wit lashes). Bottom line is let people enjoy their hobby of makeup. I don't do it for attention even though it's inevitable ur gonna give it to me but that's not cuz of makeup ;) Men kill me thinkin we go out of our way for them to look at us (well yea some thirst buckets do but still) I'm just like dmn for the love of ray j does anybody knock a drink out ur hand to tell u "u don't need that drink"? NO! Some of yall waving the natural face flag might wanna consider throwin something on ya faces. I mean nobody said u need to go full throttle with makeup but step outside the box sometimes. Do I need it? No. I'm perfectly comfortable in and out of makeup but honeychiiiiiiiild **sprinkles glitter** I am myself to the 10th power wit the full beat **cue the most obnoxious Tamar Braxton impression ever** I love makeup as an art form but in the real world I live in I use it to enhance what I'm working with. If I could have it my way I'd look like a drag queen in the day time n not give 2 shyts bout what anyone thinks. Do I peep faux pas with some of these hatchet faces walkin round? yes! they are merely misguided n need to find their way. That's all lol but what I won't do is have to explain and defend what I love becuz it's not ur cup of tea. You might accessorize with jewelry and I accessorize with my face. It's just that simple. Plus there's no need to fake like u don't feel extra pretty, extra special when u get ur face made up. Every girly girl loves to feel pretty and if throwing on a new lipstick or gloss does just that why not.

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Natural Award Winners


Why is that when someone is natural they feel better than? I'm talkin natural hair, natural birth givers, natural weight losers, natural medicinal takers, natural organic/vegetarian eaters I see u too and u dry faced anti-makeup chicks-YEA I SAID IT!!! omg it irks me to no end when great debates roll around whether in public or social media which is quite entertaining to say the least:

Natural hair vs perms:
This Sept it'll be a good 6 yrs since I've had a perm. The natural hair community (NHC) has changed since I've started and I see the back n forth all the time from those who've been in the game 10 yrs plus aka "The Elders" who look down upon the newbies who dabble in it as a "trend". Like's JUST phkn hair let alone hair that aint even on YO head. Then once u go natural and u decide it's not for u, ur dmn near shunned from this great club of naturals cuz u decided to get a perm again lol. I've made plenty of fond friendships in the NHC and could care less whether they have they own curls, purchased curls or permed curls!

I didn't go natural becuz my hair fell out. I did it to try somethin diff n fell in love with my textured hair. Now that I've learned my hair n what it takes to maintain it I prefer to keep it short but please believe if I didn't enjoy being umbrella-less I'd have a perm too but being natural is convenient for ME. When I get natural hair questions I'm quick to say it ain't for everybody. If u not willing to put the time n effort to learn and maintain it DONT DO IT!! U can absolutely have HEALTHY hair whether u are permed or natural which ultimately is the ending goal right?!...cut it out wit the natural vs perm beef...

Giving birth natural w/no epidural vs c sections n epidurals:
LOOK...I in no way shape or form wanted to EVER stretch MY cooch out to squeeze out a baby but my main request for a c section was to avoid poopin on the table. My Dr said NO! I dnt care if Drs see it all the time n it's not important n blah blah blah! I just knew one story MY Dr wasn't gonna go home talkin bout was ME poopin on the table! Luckily for me I got my wish wit a bonus: put to sleep AND had a c section. Lemme tell u somethin...I have a high tolerance for pain but that shyt goes out the window when that first contraction hits n they become consistent. I ain't got shyt to prove to NOBODY ya hear me...NOBODY! If u had ur kids naturally congrat-phkn-lations but do u get an extra mommy award for it? Did u leave the hospital with extra pride cuz u feel u accomplished more than someone who had a c section or an epidural? At the end of the day we ALL were blessed to leave wit a HEALTHY baby which again is the goal correct? So cut it out thinkin ur title as a mom is any higher than someone who delivered differently...

Natural weight losers vs weight loss surgeries:
STANDBY ON THIS...imma go in and let have on a separate post...

Vegetarians vs meat eaters:
They say never say never right? Well I can say I will NEVER be a vegetarian! I am too loyal to chicken! I am dmn near holding the chick fi la sign up wit the cows to say EAT MORE CHICKEN!! I eat po'k (not chitlins doh), beef, lamb chops-ALL LAT! I can honestly say there is no anti-meat campaign, riot, protest nor vids of how animals are treated n killed before they are prepped for my mere consumption that could EVER change my appetite for MEAT!! Do I love animals? YES!! RIP to my beloved Chea Monet but I do own a leather jacket or 2, shoes n bags...that's neither here nor there BUT I say all that to say...DONT BRING YO OLD...lettuce only eatin...I get my protein from organic DIRT growin...I'm on the fence to give up seafood cuz they also God creatures, I worship PETA AZZ around me talkin that shyt to try n convert me wit health risks n statistic reports!! NO!! I don't caaaaaaaare. The most I do now is buy organic. Now THAT I can say there is a difference ESP in organic meats and bison beef omg my digestive system loves it when I pay that extra $2-5 for organic. At the end of the day whether u eat meat or what? Being what? HEALTHY!!! So stop tossing the flour n cut it out...

I love a good healthy debate but I don't like the bashing from recruiters who look down upon someone for a different way of living that works for THEM!! You ever see people quick to give their unsolicited opinion on something as if their contributing to it? You see plenty of people protesting against women's right of Pro Choice yet they turn their nose up if u need assistance and don't think twice of adopting. If you come across an Athiest do you automatically turn ur back or ask them questions into WHY? You can lead them to the bible all day but if that's not gonna change their mind into joining ur "team" will u really lose sleep? Folks can be so closed minded these days n quick to jump to what's been instilled n etched in their brains before thinkin hmmmm outside the box maybe **cue lightbulb** As much as I hate MAFF (math) I've come across many of problems where I get the same answer but with a different method of what I was taught from the teacher. At times I didn't even know how but I did and the end results was all that mattered for a grade-I'm just saying **shrugs**

While I am on a roll, my next post up is about yall anti-makeup-ERS who give us makeup lovers a hard time cuz im bout sick of that shyt too....

Disclaimer: Although I hate to disclaim the obvious, I have to remember we live in such a literal world where overly sensitive folks take everything to heart-if it doesn't pertain to u, it ain't about u-end of story!!


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My A-HA moment


So after realizing Mason's race was NOT my "A-HA" moment, I continued to yo-yo back n forth, up and down struggling to lose weight. My impatience was getting the best of me but there was no way I could continue to ignore random swollen feet..I'm talkin Kim K preggers feet at any given moment especially if I was on em for an extended period of time. I would be at work with my foot propped up trying to think of how much salt I had cuz it wasn't the swine (as old folks say). I had never been a snore-er-NEVER!! I used to throw things at my stepsis becuz she snored so loud but ummm I pretty much became THAT person. Sometimes I'd snore so loud I woke my dmn self up like "WTF who's making all that noise?" oh! me. I started to get acid reflux alot becuz I am a lover of spicy foods!! OMG I looooove spicy foods but having em before bed sometimes I fell asleep and dmn near choked waking up-sorry can't explain it and never looked it up! Every time I went to the doctor she'd be like "u know we need this weight to come down right" and suggest I'd see a nutritionist. At this point my gym days went from a few times a week to non-existent as I used the same excuses most people have: I don't have time, I don't feel like it, it's too hot, I ran over a unicorn and **insert any holiday where u feel the need to have a pass to be greedy** and at this point I'm tipping the scale at 290 thinking dmn let me step on this scale again cuz I think it's broke lol.

Here I am, not really giving a dmn that I'm almost 300lbs...well I care but I don't care to be honest. I don't care becuz I feel like oh well, one day it'll magically fall off and I do care becuz my pants size is basically at a size 22, my shirts are 2X, my bra's are a size u definitely can't find in Victoria's Secret and why the phk do u have to pay an extra whatever amount for being plus size at some places?? okokok I know ur using "more" fabric but still **rolls eyes** I had all the reasons in the world to do right but I just couldn't bring myself to making that first step towards DO'IN. One day I think it was around Jan 2014 becuz I was starting to shop for spring time. I was in Torrid's and as usual headed straight for the sale rack. I grabbed a pair of size 22's and tried em on....I shimmy my fat azz in them jeans and errrr uuummmm I had to suck in the last breff I had to fasten em up. I'm thinkin to myself...oh I just gotta break these in lol or u know when u buy something smaller thinking it'll motivate u to just lose weight...yea ok! So as I'm in the dressing room doing the most jovial "massa tap dance for THE MAN" move to loosen these jeans up I just said PHK IT and grabbed a size 24 which I hated to admit fit perfectly. I never want to be one of those women in denial of their CO-RECK size nor was I gonna walk out with too small jeans knowing dmn well at any given time if I put on a tight fitting shirt I'd be lookin like every bit of Toad from Mario Brothers stuffed in some jeans! No Ma'am!! My mama raised me better than that. So here I am, standing in front of the mirror with these size 24's perfectly zipped n fitted to my body which I had let go of over the past 8 years, totally ignoring my ever so widening of a waist line and it was THAT very moment I had my nuff. It was that moment I kneeeew I couldn't let myself get any bigger and if I kept living the lifestyle I was living I would've continued to expand. AWWWW HELL NAW! I bought those jeans knowing it would be the last time I'd ever buy a size 24 pants. My lightbulb moment had finally hit me and it was time to put it in action. I had been so reluctant for so long and hated lookin so fat YET FAB in my pics. I was tired of watching everyone's before n after weight loss pics n vicariously living thru them so my first step was "I need to find a trainer ASAP". I was randomly scrolling along my IG and found this woman who I would come across posting her workout ethics and her clients before n after's. I followed her and kept up with her since I was on the prowl for a trainer. Excited n ready for a new journey to embark on while wearing these temporary jeans before they'd be too big **revs engine** I'm amped n ready to go! My trainer is a big part of my journey yet with life u just never know what curve balls it'll throw nor opportunities that present itself. It's funny how God works becuz as I sit here sipping water, I look back so thankful to have seen the light. How is it I ask for a trainer and one falls in my lap? It's all too real BUT there is another angel who I can say literally saved my life...

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Still Pretty

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I'm gonna have a vent/testimonial moment right now becuz it’s been tagged on my heart to LET GO and release this energy. As you gear up for a wonderful Monday morning going to perhaps what could be ur dream job...I’m gonna try to say this in the most professional way as possible….I HATE WORKING WITH WOMEN working with women can be oh so challenging **smiles** I mean men can be in this mix too but the pettiness, cattiness, jealousy, envy, miserable azz people who have nothing better to do with their time but focus on what others are doin or not doin can be a tad ridick. I know I’m not the only one who experiences this so I’ve come to the conclusion that minding your business has gone out of style. I come to work (shift work mind u) and hear people make a big deal over the pettiest shyt I’ve ever heard of in my life. Do you have anyone at your job who cares what you throw in the trash can? How about that one person who looks at you as if u set a puppy on fire if you come in late? That one person who smiles in your face but secretly jots down notes on your every move to have ammunition to snitch later? Oh wait how about this…the community fridge that apparently should be segregated between days/nights becuz as grown folks we don’t know how to take what we put in. So if your on day side u dare not have ur lunch bag cross the night side or vice versa becuz the hairs on the back of someones neck may stand up to alert them you’ve invaded that space **holds up fist** ALL FOODS MATTER!! Where I come from and how I grew up if you had a problem with someone u whooped they azz kindly pulled them to the side and see where the miscommunication came from to resolve the problem in a professional manner but see things don’t go that way these days. Nope!! These days you just give the fakest cheesiest “hey girl hey” smile then talk about them behind their back or conveniently around a supervisor in the loudest whisper possible.

OMG did u just so happen to not log off your computer? Wait…please don’t tell me u left an unopened bag of chips at ur desk **clutches pearls**. I meeeean maybe I’m overreacting cuz I’m a tad bit more laid back and I’m looking for some phks to give BUT of all the things I’ve named above do any of those REALLY truly effect your life? If I just so happen to call out sick are u clocking my FB post/pics/status to clock my location? Oh sooooo I guess I can’t post up throwback pics on the beach cuz u gonna automatically assume that’s where I am huh!! REASON #132,609 to NOT be "friends" on social media with co-workers!! I would love to walk into work and hear a conversation over a fight for a raise. I would happily join the crusade with having our voices be heard with ideas to retain staffing. Hmmm what about this one…INCENTIVES **gasp** oh me oh my becuz God forbid u recognize good work from hard working employees right. Yea NO!! why would we wanna project togetherness, unity, positivity and team build when we too busy micro managing when ur not even a manager to begin with and worry about someone other than ourselves. When I say I pray before work and do a leprechaun kick when it’s time to go **raises hands to the heavens** it’s not a game! I come and prefer to have tunnel vision to focus on ME!! Thank God I have not just co-workers but friends who are my angels that keep me sane becuz lord knows **cue marvin sapp** never would’ve maaaaade it…without them!! Ya knoooooow being a celebrity (at work) is a gift and a curse. I am personable, phkn hilarious, motivating and encouraging but let me not forget to mention reliable and a dmn good worker. There’s no need for me to go into the good I’ve contributed to my workplace becuz I don’t need to be recognized for sharing my blessings and throwing my cape on to be the saver. My suggestions to those who feel unappreciated or targeted in ur workplace and life period-do what u gotta do to make the change and I need not say what that change is becuz it should be common sense. Hold on, Pray on it, Claim it and sit back n watch God work. Things to keep in mind while trying to hold ur mule: you cant win when u play dirty and no weapons formed against u shall prosper. Good ol’ KK to whom I admire dearly is the angel on my shoulder. I can always hear her voice saying “don’t act off emotion” and it’s definitely come in handy. My girl Lez is my comedic twin and Tiff be havin me laughin to keep me from crying. When people think so highly of u they wanna break u, keep that head held HIGH and be resilient!! **shouts* THEY CANT BREAK ME!!

I’ve discovered I’m more patient than I realized and it’s finally paid off. So stand back ye devil **in my Rev Lonnie Love voice** cuz I am covered. Becuz God knows my heart he’s led me to spread the word so when you overcome whateeeeeever fire they throw at you, u rise from them ashes and hit em wit the Kimbella “Still Pretty” and continue on to the blessings that await you!

Peep that glow of nothing but God shining on me ;)


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