Life Of Uh Former Fat Girl

 

When I have a random idea for a blog post especially something personal I sit on it for a few days pondering how I will format it, how it'll start off, what I'm gonna say and how I'll say it. Sometimes I type faster than my mind to process the words to be spewed out but nonetheless I prefer to be open and honest as possible. With honesty can come backlash becuz some people can't handle the truth, scared to face it or choose to ignore it. A lot of problems we quietly go through aren't talked about becuz in today's world we care what people think of us. We judge, stereotype and assume without asking questions nor talking directly to the person of interest. We add middle men in the mix vs going straight to the horses mouth with side eyes n whispers on what's going on **starts to sing** don't ask my neighbor!! As comedic as I am, I also have a soft emotional side that peaks out every now and then sooooo I've decided to do a series of my stories related to my weight loss journey-hence the title of this post. It's really just a journal for ME to look back on and pass along to whomever else gets it...no like REALLY gets it. When we see people's journey's in whatever it maybe ie hair, weight loss, motherhood, school n etc we normally see where we started and the happy ending. But what about the in between? What about what it takes to get there? Why don't we share the ugly side and the real struggles of the journey. I meeeean you can't possibly think shyt came easy do u? There's levels to this and becuz I am confident in the woman I am today nor do I care what people think of me I choose to open up and be completely honest becuz I know dmn well I can't be the only one who's going through these things. I will try-emphasis on TRY to do these series once a week but I can't promise u anything lol. Yall know I write too much so I gotta break em up for yall n give yall piece by piece...

 

 

 

Once upon a time I weighed 180. I was totally comfortable at that number and worked a good ol' dc gubment jawb from 9 to 5. Along came a bouncing baby boy and a new job doing shift work and before I knew it, that 180 turned into 230. The only way I noticed it was from the clothes I used to fit BEFORE mason would no longer zip up and buttons would hold on to dear life ready to burst any moment. If you have ever worked shift work or nights you can relate to horrible eating habits. The thing is....I never really ate a lot its just that when I did eat, it's junk food or fast food. When u work at the fire department them folks STAY cookin and when the holidays roll around the only DIET u see is commercials gearing up for the New Years. Now along with shift work, how about we add the many yo-yo's of a relationship from one person, failed relationships from a rebound, depression from trying to figure out where ur going in life, not being where u wanna be in life, mourning ur mom, paying endless bills, changing a schedule from 4 days off to ALL nights and every 2 days (and I dare not mention being bullied AT ur job but that's a whole nother topic) and stress all around u can easily go from 230 to a whopping 290lbs when u lack discipline and a phk to give! It happens so quick as if it happens overnight knowing dmn well u noticed them pants sizes going up every few months. Now don't get it twisted I've always been fly and fluffy but people are surprised to know that at 5'9 I was TWO HUNDRED AND NINETY POUNDS!!! EEEEK!! Maybe becuz I carried it well but when I took my clothes off I seen every bit of it. I was not happy but I was content. Content with ballooning to my heaviest becuz at the end of the day I ate good, traveled and Mason's very well taken care of. Did I know I should've been losing weight becuz I was living an unhealthy lifestyle? Of course! I had someone give me a reality check to say "u ain't press to lose weight cuz u still get attention from the fellas". Errr uhhh yeaaaa! Duuuh! Look at me **twirls around** Erybody love me...Ery-Erybody love me ;) BUT STILL the fellas was never my top priority becuz I have more to offer than just beauty. I was plain ol' lazy and didn't care. I had family and friends trying to motivate me to lose weight but lets be real here....u can tell a crackhead all day to get off drugs and it won't click until THEY are ready.

 

I joined a gym, tried eating salads, lose 1-2lbs a week, gain 3lbs the following week, repeat, fall off and again...still be where I started. My dad has been calling me FAT since I was 15 yrs old which is hilarious to me, friends would be concerned as if I was Gator from Jungle Fever stealing money to buy a 2 pc Popeye's special during the week but I get it, I get it...I'm loved but what people don't realize is nobody can change u but YOU!! Everybody has their own A-HA moment where the light bulb goes off whether it's a health scare, near death accident or for me the moment an active little boy wants to race you.



My sidekick, Mason was my A-HA moment. He always wants to be active but mainly race. I was not feeling that even with a cheating head start I could feel a dmn heart attack coming on! I was not about to be taken out nor defeated by this little boy who would eventually have bragging rights to beat me in a race. Awww hell naaaaw! I'm too competitive. The first step is to admit the problem which I had already done dmn near 100lbs ago. The hardest part is making the first step to DO. I procrastinate ALOT! In my head I can get up, go to the gym and walk the track for hours and eat healthy-IN MY HEAD. In reality I got my lazy azz right back in the bed after barely walking Mason to the bus stop, got up didn't feel like cookin so we ate out all the time, did overtime at work which led to more junk food n eating off the fly. I was no closer to my goal than when I had my A-HA moment. Well guess what...that wasn't my A-HA moment. Surely being around to watch Mason grow up was important to me. I meeeean who else is gonna teach him these hoez ain't loyal and who would take my place on Maury's stage when my sweet innocent angel who does no wrong is accused of fathering some random Thotty's child just cuz they got light eyes! I DONT THINK SO!! I have to be here to protect my baby. Just when u think u got the will power to do the right thing and make a step towards a healthy life....Buffalo Wild Wings Tuesday's roll around and u are easily defeated-Hey! Thai Curry is tough to resist mmmm k **le sigh**

Back at square one! But don't worry next week I'll speak on my REAL A-HA moment that woke me up. When it hits u, u will know-period. It feels different. You have a glimmer of hope to feel optimistic. When u truly are tired of something and ready to move forward there's a match that's lit and all the excuses u used to make are out the door. There was a spark that started and I had no idea how fast the fire would grow to what it's become today...

Smooches

SHARE:

Labels: Life Of Uh Former Fat Girl