Pregnant After 35: Halfway There

September 2018; 20 wks

My how time seems to fly. I am officially at the halfway mark-THANK GOD!! The “reveal” at the dr appt went well. I’m stitched up so tight I called it having a fresh cooch of rejuvenation lol. There was no doubt about the gender for sure. Mason tagged along but wasn’t too amused lol. He’s so neutral but then again he ain’t know what he was watchin on the screen no ways. I still often times feel like shyt, yet pull myself together with whatever strength I have to look like the shyt ;) I still enjoy naps, be TIED in the am’s at work n enjoy soaking in the tub to meditation music at night before bed. The belly bump is sorta kinda there-I guess! To those who know can notice but I don’t. I just know I can’t wear no pants without elastic n I did buy my first maternity dress. 

Slowly but surely comin out of hibernation n getting outta lazy mode esp since school started. I gotta focus on these 2 classes but more so cuz I’m just excited for summer to be DONE. The joys of being preggers…heartburn which tends to leave me tryin to sleep sitting up, trying to comfortably sleep period (I often times sleep wit a pillow in between my legs), and one thing that snuck up on me n almost KILT me…CONS-TUH-PAY-SHUN! Good Laaawd. Hats off to those who push out babies but if it’s anything like what I had to push out the other night-I am proud to be a c-sectioner. I mean it was sooo bad I literally thought of writing my last will n testament becuz I ain’t think I was gonna make it but clearly God aint threw wit me yet so here I am. Wheeew!! Next appt is at 24 wks n I’m sure they’ll have a sigh of relief THEN- other than that…this baby is quite active off the early mornings, lunch time n MY bed time which is normally bout 10-ish. 

September 2018; 23 wks

I'm looking fwd to skating into the 3rd trimester soon. This baby has some rhythm sheesh. I get a nudge to remind me to eat, another kick when it’s time to release n random swirls during downtime when I just wanna relax. Like clockwork if I drink anything I am off to the bathroom within the hour. I sit at my desk, laid back wit the Homer Simpson belly in awe. OH SHYT I guess I should start telling my team O_O nobody knows (other than the handful) but I don’t wanna be here today n gone tomorrow. That’s what happened last year. One week I was here n the next week I was on bed rest :7 

It’s comin up on a year the unfortunate occurred which we also randomly discuss. I was exactly 22 wks when my water broke n almost 23 wks admitted into the hospital then pushing hours later. As successful as things are going now, I take nothing for granted. Every week is a milestone for us and we’ve come a long way. Folks may look at us like WHY would we wanna attempt another go round n think we are crazy. Hell even I paused walkin pass the mirror n caught a profile glimpse of myself wit a belly poking out like…oh shyt..u really ARE doin this huh. It’s getting real n no turning back. After my next appt we’ll go into planning mode: baby shower, arrangements for Mason during my last month **looks at calendar wit one eye** and maternity leave!

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Pregnant After 35: Hibernating

August 2018; 16 wks

To be honest…I really thought I’d have some energy by now. I’ve completely abandoned my blog n social media accts. On one hand it feels good to just take time out to chill n play the background but on the other…I miss playin in makeup n doin shoots so I can write n engage but I’m just not feelin it n I refuse to force it. Summer is over n I did-nothin! I pretty much slept thru it :( Normally we hit the beach a few times buuuut NO! I am still in hibernation mode but I’d rather hibernate along a beach somewhere **le sigh** baby wise; all is well. I feel it squirming around n I have this thing where I randomly pause n hold my breath to watch my belly (aka baby heartbeat). My appetite is all over the place but it’s mainly cravings of junk food n fries #LifeOfUhFormerFatGirl

 I’m gonna need my trainer, Kenya, asap n not just for no snap back cuz I don’t cave into those pressures but just PERIOD!! My waist is widening but thank god for loose/oversized dresses. I be so lazy now I wear no makeup to work **cue horror scream** n throw on a dress n gooooo!! My effort is less as possible. The easier the better! Mason is such a good sport. I have this bell for when I need him which is…well when I get in bed n know I ain’t movin no time soon lol n he comes a running to take care of me. He’s gonna be greatly rewarded when it’s all said n done. 

Oh! I was able to kiss n makeup with one of my other half’s at brunch a few wks ago (refer to vent in previous post) n all is well n back on track after a little miscommunication mishap :D I can now drop my petty n let them enjoy the reveal in a few wks for our next appt. I mean I’ve been holding on to the secret since 10 wks n didn’t tell mason on purpose cuz he’s easily bribable with a mere gift card or headset. They think it’s a girl cuz of my attitude n snippiness but I remain neutral making sure it doesn’t slip out. IM EXCITED!! I already have my nordies cart ready to execute with baby stuff haha.

I'd be totally fakin if I didn't act like anxiety of caring a baby this go round has me walking on eggshells. Maybe it's just the natural feeling after having a miscarriage but for the past 16 wks-I'm nervous AF. I take a break for fresh air, sneakily rub my belly becuz it's such a secret n take a deep breff n enjoy the scenery as is. Then I look down n see a butterfly. It's lightly n calmly sitting there. A sense of calmness now comes over me n in this moment-I just KNEW-everything will work out as WE desire. This is where my spirit tells me to pay attention to the universe n God whispers to relax  <3

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Pregnant After 35: 2nd Trimester

July 2018; 11 wks

I have been tired..bytchy and annoyed by any n everything! The tiredness I expect cuz I always sleep thru the first trimester wit ease. I’m in bed by 8p, sometimes before n lounge all weekend (even tho my plans been to purge clothes n unpack boxes). I just can’t seem to muster up the energy for nothing. At work I be dozing like I’m off that “blue magic” and get the –itis to the 10th power after I eat. Crazy. I’ve been gladly hibernating n staying to self becuz I don’t feel like being bothered to entertain or be entertained. I know my boys be sick of my ‘tude but I really want to be left alone!! Nothing against anyone but people annoy me n my clapbacks have the possibility of fire behind it so let me enjoy solitude. I’ve had a few people point it out cuz my facial expressions can’t squeeze out a fake smile n I feel bad I randomly yawn as they talkin.

My whole aura n energy is just thrown off so I need my sister to sage me again lol. I’m sure within the next couple of weeks my energy shall reappear n my attitude will adjust to higher spirits but for now…the tank is empty! My shyt is on E. It really is hard not shouting how happy u are to the high heavens so for sanity purposes only a few people know n they know me so well becuz they respect my space n our privacy. The 10 tubes of blood drawn n a pee cup later didn’t help either but I remind myself…it’ll all be worth it in the end-plus I’m excited to know the gender too. I have an awesome reveal in mind :D One claims he don’t wanna know **eye roll** he’s from the N.O. n u know how superstitious they be :7

July 2018; 13 wks

OMG where do I start…HAPPY 2ND TRIMESTER!!! The surgery of getting stitched up was a success yet the aftermath was horrendous! I got my backed stabbed up wit the epidural so many times it left me with back pains n an excruciating headache for a week >:< I toughened it out like a G tho cuz im not for takin the oxy n etc so I tried Tylenol-still got sick n just stuck to some good ol’ essential oils to ease the pain (peppermint, lavender and eucalyptus). Between my team of babydaddies, mason n my sister (who doesn’t know) I’ve been well taken care of and im grateful cuz driving round ain’t an option. I was so nauseous n weak, scared to eat cuz I threw up a few times-mason became the king of making me toast. Everything subsided by the end of the week but I ain’t anticipate all that cuz it was easy peasy last time. I’m starting to get some energy back, taking it light wit my appetite n peeking out from hibernation, although I still really don’t feel like being bothered by people. Dmn the summer is almost over n I have nothing planned :( this is a first for me.

Lemme vent really quick…the male species will never understand the changes n emotions a woman’s body goes thru during this time. I know they put up wit the hormone changes n mood swings but do NOT give me shyt n attitude becuz  I am 15 min late to a dr appt ESP after the hell week I been goin thru recouping from surgery. OMG!! They annoyed the phk outta me asking if the appt was cancelled cuz I wasn’t there ON TIME :7 My reply: **deletes more harsh reply** did I notify u of any cancellations? Oh. Ok!! Like dude…chill TF out. The dmn concert can’t start until the star arrives no dmn way n as a new parent-learn some patience!!! Whew I feel better letting that out. Sooo now Mr. I don’t wanna know the gender, wants to know the gender **eye roll** and I had this lavish gender reveal planned but they getting on my nerves so bad I don’t even feel like doin it no more cuz they take all the phkn fun out of it. GOT DMN!!! I will let them know at the next appt which is around 18 wks or so since that’s when they do the whole anatomy scan n etc. One of them made a request to come in before that to make sure everything is ok…I paused with compassion becuz I get it-HOWEVER, without tryin to sound like an azzhole imma say this…I am NOT comin to the dr ofc every week nor am I walkin on eggshells living in fear of. I need everyone to get on this positive thinking train n ride that bytch knowing the good lord above has taken the wheel to guide us into victory-HELLO!!! I need them to trust that I wouldn’t do nothing to jeopardize myself or this unborn child n if iiiiiiiiiiii felt the need to consult the dr for anything that felt off I would do so. Again…I get it, they wanna make sure their baby is good esp given how things ended last time but if his ol’ step on a crack, break ya mama back azz don’t leave me alooooone-ugh! I still love them though. Lawd I should prolly start some therapy sessions…(remind me to do an after actions report when this is all done).

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Pregnant After 35: First Trimester

June 2018; 8 wks

Round 2!!! Here we go again. The first appt was so exciting as my dr’s team was happy to see us again n welcomes us with open arms. I have clearly gained 10lbs already :7 as expected I guess cuz I’ve craved nothing but fried foods w/a hint of ice cream n sleeping. Exercise has not been on my radar but I do wanna get into yoga-it’s the thought that counts at this point cuz I dmn sure ain’t been acting on it. Weird, after finding out I had such a boost of energy then it slowly went away within the last few wks. Ugh!! I got one more semester until graduation soooo I’m curious as to how this will play out cuz I’ve envisioned waddling across the stage to grab my degree-by any means necessary tho! 

All went well at the dr n we are off to a good start. Surprisingly as divine timing would be…the due date is my birthday which comes full circle becuz it should’ve been that last time :D God is so amazing!! I am feelin fine. I take it one week at a time n ready to grab my handicap tag #Perks haha. In a few wks I gotta mentally prepare to get blood drawn which is always a struggle wit small veins n stitched up wit a cerclage to take precaution this go round. Don’t need no mishaps of early dilation even tho my cervix now is completely closed (prolly by default of living celibate) UGGGGH!!! **cue anxiety** The thought is setting in along with flashbacks n I know 2 wks will be here quicker than a Chinese carry out order. 

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Pregnant After 35: Trying to Conceive (TTC)

May 2018

It’s such a beautiful feeling to really know ur body. If u pay close attention u can just feel the magic happen to know something is brewing. It’s unexplainable yet possible when ur in tune wit urself n it feels amazing. After tryin for months, I stopped payin attn honestly n was like eeeh it’ll happen when it happens. Got tired of peein on sticks anxiously awaiting for a positive answer n didn’t think nothing of it. I just continued to sit back n wait to bleed again wondering what is takin so dmn long THIS time. My Latino side must be fadin n I’m truly getting old cuz I’m normally a one hitta quitta. I meeeean I got tons of eggs I’ve seen firsthand sooo what’s the hold up **le sigh** my nerves must be getting the best of me cuz I am hungry AF for no reason. I’m full but obviously not cuz 2 hrs later my jaws back to work n I’m munchin. I made the most bomb honey ham n pepperoni sandwich wit all my gourmet fixins which is weird cuz I hadn’t had a taste for one of these since last time I was preg—O_O oh shyt…hold up…naaaah I just took a test the other day…well I over peed on it so it was kinda inconclusive. I been peein on sticks like every day after the good ol’ Stork n I’ve gotten used to one line from my cheapie test. Oh wait, I got this high tech digital one Dee got n it’ll tell u like 5 days sooner or something. Nope! Imma just wait for my cycle this month AGAIN. I ain’t tryin to get my hopes up too high so I’ll sleep on it. So what I have familiar cravings, prolly thinkin bout it too much.

Ok ok ok I can’t wait. I got a boost of energy outta nowhere n I’ve been tearin up some chocolate cashew clusters by the box too much (that shyt like $8 at wegmans). The signs can’t be any mo’ clearer now right :7 I’m within the 5 day window n this test is pretty simple but it’ll be the longest 3 minutes ever. Bout to put my kegals to good use so I don’t over pee n phk it up lol. Aight…Imma let it marinate n take my azz on to bed. I have no expectations on what it’ll say so might as well rest easy huh-

WRONG!!! I am literally stalkin the bars as it ticks from 1 to 3. I put it down, pick it up, put it back down, walk away, peek back n the bathroom. Got dmn my forehead sweating, my hands tingling-please don’t let me pass out cuz mason is knocked out sleep-oh my dmn these bars still movin? How many phkn seconds is in 3 minutes? Sheesh!! This joint must’ve malfunctioned. Lawwwwd I got a defective azz test **takes deep breathe** let me go watch TV…errr uuuh my dmn hands shakin, ok nah go check on the test cuz I know it’s been at least 10 min, ok no prolly like 5 but still…why do I feel like everything is slow motion. 

EEEEEEEEK!!!! OMG…this ain’t right. That’s it imma just wait for my cycle. I got the biggest lump in my throat-HOLY SHYT. I gotta call my boys…no I’ll wait…what if I die in my sleep tho…ok no I gotta tell em NOW. I need a glass of ice water first, shyt. Let me double check it cuz it might’ve changed back or something….NOPE!! Ok still there. Now my nose sweating-WTF!! I gotta chill out before I make this call n act calm AF. **deep exhale**I hate talkin on the phone…lemme facetime em so they know it’s real. Annnnnd ACTION: 4 weeks!!!

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A Tale Of Two Babydaddy’s

Let me rewind it a tad n then bring u back up to speed…So years ago while me n marci would meet up n have an absolute blast on the drag cruises every year (gawd I miss those days w/a passion) we formed bonds with couples who inevitably became our Modern Family. They would spoil us the whole vacay n treat us like Queens. She found her “nephews” n I found “my boys” and to this day we stiiiiiiill together. Welp, as a random convo would have it, I mentioned wanting to have a baby without the responsibility. Of course they chuckled as if I was joking but no-I was serious. If life went my way I would now be married with at least 3 kids but since God has a sense of humor-look at me now! As baby talk rumbled n my idea was brushed to the side, one of my boys said I’d like to have a baby someday n it was then my grand idea would gain a breff of hope. So I said with strong conviction “If I’m not married by 35, I’ll be the surrogate”. Why nobody takes me serious as if I joke ALL the time I don’t know but I let it marinate n randomly mentioned it even after the cruise until I got an acceptance on my offer which came like 2 cruises later.

For those who might’ve been curious of the backstory there ya have it. This has been years in the making n MY idea in the first place. So now that my plans have been falling into play the other hard part is explaining to folks who don’t understand it. When there’s something u don’t understand I think it’s necessary to have a discussion on it to dispel any myths n rumors but to also break relying on stereotypes. Let’s open the dialect: You’ve heard many stories of those who’ve adopted, plenty of stories of couples whether in a relationship or situationship they have kids but how often do u come across someone who is willing to carry a child for another couple? And I’m talkin before the KimYe frenzy! 

There’s 2 types of surrogacy: 

• straight surrogate-my egg + dad sperm 
• being a host/gestational surrogate-intended mother’s egg + dad sperm (thru IVF) which is the most common n only way fertility clinics use.

Disclaimer: Just becuz u may be the overly emotional mother who is extra attached to ur kids does not mean that lives in everyone so for my views n how I do shyt may differ or appear as if I lack nurture or compassion that is not the case. I do not love my son any less n enjoy being a mom. So by the time u finishing reading u might say “I couldn’t do it” which is fine. That’s the uniqueness of individuality n whether u “get it” or not u need to respect it-period. This is a judgement free zone!

Top 5 FAQ:

Why would u want to do that?

I love me some Mason, lawd knows I do BUT at 37 I do NOT have the patience to raise another one. I worked hard on getting him to the independency level he is today. Furthermore-do u see what these kids bring home for HOMEWORK?? Hell naw. I am in school struggling to stay afloat with my own Maff let alone tryin to explain the new way to a child. I tip my hat to those with multiples whether u have help or going at it alone. The thing NOBODY will ever say out loud yet I know ur thinking it IS: if time could be rewinded (yes rewinded) u know dmn well u wouldn’t have either as many or any! U can quietly n secretly agree to urself or not but nobody thinks it out loud cuz u don’t want ur kids to feel a certain way or it just sounds phk’d up so we always do the default “I love all my kids n wouldn’t trade em for the world” or the “I mean now they here it’s not so bad after all” and even the popular “kids are a blessing” Yea Yea Yea Blah Blah Blah-spaaaare me!! Yeeees I get it but looking back on daycare costs, diapers, milk, sanity n the overall struggles of parenting-be real. We are way pass the days when gas was 89 cents, milk being 50 cents n when great great grands had 14 kids starting at age 14. With that being said n out the way…NO! I don’t want to RAISE any more kids whether I get married tomorrow or not BUT I would like to go thru the experience of it all over again being older, mature n fascinated by a woman’s work. I didn’t have a bad pregnancy n I produce happy babies but to really pay attn to the body n document the changes from a different perspective of dmn near 12 yrs later, I shall do.

What does Mason think?

I’ve had this discussion with Mason n we have a pretty good relationship where we talk about a lot of things. When he was younger he did want a sibling with us but as he got older that dream faded. Mason enjoys his lifestyle as an only child (with me) as do I enjoy my lifestyle with ONE. Call me selfish all ya want but if I wanted more-trust I’d have more. Mason is n will be just fine. Quiet as kept he wanted to do a “trade” n get their dog **eyeroll** But he was the final say so which made me comfortable to press forward. 

Don’t you think you’ll get attached?

Please refer to the FIRST question! I do not want to rewind my clock. Mason has 6 yrs left until he graduates n I would be crazy to start fresh with such a gap-again iiiiiiiiii would-I’m speakin for myself. What exactly do u mean by attached? This child will still be half of me so we will forever be attached. Attached to where I wanna sacrifice my sleep, take 2 hrs before I gotta leave the house to pack a diaper bag n get us ready, have to find back up sitters when daycare closed for vacay-hell find a sitter period that ain’t charging half my paycheck n 5 peruvian bundles as is…No. I feel like if I go into any more detail explaining I’ll look even crazier to u but u get the jist. We sacrifice a lot as mothers n lose ourselves to the point where someone gifts u money or gift cards to treat urself n instead of spending it on YOU, u spending it on the kids-but I won’t digress (Selfish Mom)! The answer to this question can also be tied into the disclaimer above.

Are u getting paid n how much?

This is one of the most popular questions I often get n it’s always funny to me becuz of the countless surrogacy stories I’ve read a lot of times initially money is the motivation. In other cases, money is the perk. There is no amount of money that can compensate any woman on earth for what she goes through during a pregnancy n giving birth. If u are into it for the money n treating it like it’s a business, I wouldn’t advise anyone to do it. The reward is greater than money-FOR ME but that may also be becuz I'm closer to the couple too. To answer the question tho, you can feel free to google the cost but I will not disclose any financials becuz it’s not important to me. 

Fun Tidbit: In India, young women serve as surrogates for American couples at a fraction of the cost.

Are they gonna let u be in the child’s life? 

These are my boys. We’ve built a friendship of love over the years and became close so kids or no kids they can’t quit me! They can’t escape me n we are a package deal. Yes, I AM MOM and we are family-period. Mason is excited to be a big brother <3

I’ve gotten all kinds of questions and it’s hard to answer anything in reference to the future of raising a child with a modern family n what the outside world thinks of the arrangement. It’s not the typical, ideal situation of the norm but it works for us. Any other random questions feel free to ask away but I am no expert on the matter. I’ve done some research only becuz I’m as inquisitive as u are n open to learning from other people’s experiences but I’m not the poster child for surrogates-yall know I ain’t politically correct as is!

Smooches

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