Pregnant After 35: Trying to Conceive (TTC)

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May 2018


It’s such a beautiful feeling to really know ur body. If u pay close attention u can just feel the magic happen to know something is brewing. It’s unexplainable yet possible when ur in tune wit urself n it feels amazing. After tryin for months, I stopped payin attn honestly n was like eeeh it’ll happen when it happens. Got tired of peein on sticks anxiously awaiting for a positive answer n didn’t think nothing of it. I just continued to sit back n wait to bleed again wondering what is takin so dmn long THIS time. My Latino side must be fadin n I’m truly getting old cuz I’m normally a one hitta quitta. I meeeean I got tons of eggs I’ve seen firsthand sooo what’s the hold up **le sigh** my nerves must be getting the best of me cuz I am hungry AF for no reason. I’m full but obviously not cuz 2 hrs later my jaws back to work n I’m munchin. I made the most bomb honey ham n pepperoni sandwich wit all my gourmet fixins which is weird cuz I hadn’t had a taste for one of these since last time I was preg—O_O oh shyt…hold up…naaaah I just took a test the other day…well I over peed on it so it was kinda inconclusive. I been peein on sticks like every day after the good ol’ Stork n I’ve gotten used to one line from my cheapie test. Oh wait, I got this high tech digital one Dee got n it’ll tell u like 5 days sooner or something. Nope! Imma just wait for my cycle this month AGAIN. I ain’t tryin to get my hopes up too high so I’ll sleep on it. So what I have familiar cravings, prolly thinkin bout it too much.
Ok ok ok I can’t wait. I got a boost of energy outta nowhere n I’ve been tearin up some chocolate cashew clusters by the box too much (that shyt like $8 at wegmans). The signs can’t be any mo’ clearer now right :7 I’m within the 5 day window n this test is pretty simple but it’ll be the longest 3 minutes ever. Bout to put my kegals to good use so I don’t over pee n phk it up lol. Aight…Imma let it marinate n take my azz on to bed. I have no expectations on what it’ll say so might as well rest easy huh-
WRONG!!! I am literally stalkin the bars as it ticks from 1 to 3. I put it down, pick it up, put it back down, walk away, peek back n the bathroom. Got dmn my forehead sweating, my hands tingling-please don’t let me pass out cuz mason is knocked out sleep-oh my dmn these bars still movin? How many phkn seconds is in 3 minutes? Sheesh!! This joint must’ve malfunctioned. Lawwwwd I got a defective azz test **takes deep breathe** let me go watch TV…errr uuuh my dmn hands shakin, ok nah go check on the test cuz I know it’s been at least 10 min, ok no prolly like 5 but still…why do I feel like everything is slow motion. 




EEEEEEEEK!!!! OMG…this ain’t right. That’s it imma just wait for my cycle. I got the biggest lump in my throat-HOLY SHYT. I gotta call my boys…no I’ll wait…what if I die in my sleep tho…ok no I gotta tell em NOW. I need a glass of ice water first, shyt. Let me double check it cuz it might’ve changed back or something….NOPE!! Ok still there. Now my nose sweating-WTF!! I gotta chill out before I make this call n act calm AF. **deep exhale**I hate talkin on the phone…lemme facetime em so they know it’s real. Annnnnd ACTION: 4 weeks!!!

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