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I am popping back in really quick n taking a break as I am spending alone time on an island reflecting on last year and making plans for this year. It feels soooo good to unplug n step away from the hustle n bustle of everyday life to wake up ocean side uninterrupted by an alarm clock n lolly gagging while sashaying in my caftan around the resort grounds. I'm not a beach person but my feet have exfoliated in the sand as I await the sunset. Oh let me make this quick becuz I gotta get ready for my massage appt **sips glass of non-alcoholic drink** Hmmm...what shall I indulge in later during dinner as the band entertains n I sweep the room to see who's the fun stranger to get the party started with a dance **takes another sip of water on the rocks** Although life can be tough n the weather shifty n cold, nothing is tougher than trying to figure out what your fixin's will be at the omelette station :7 I have been dreaming of this moment in what seems like forever. After all...I've been tied up 2018 n stayed local due to my condition lol. 

Honeychiiiile...DREAMIN is exactly what I was doing above because in reality, only break I'm taking is from completing this homework assignment for my psych class and prepping to catch on my DVR but not before I take a hot azz shower in slather myself in a tropical scent shower gel. In my head, I figured after baby I could whisk myself away to DR (possibly sneak in a tummy tuck) to rest while on maternity leave. WROOOOONG!!!! In my head, I was gonna leave the hospital n take a good week break then my body would snap back into grind mode n I'd be on my feet. WROOOOONG!!!! My body didn't want to play fair with my mind so the 2 have been at odds lately. Having a baby after 35 is no joke but more on that later...

He's here!! He's here!! My boys have now become my "Two and Uh Half Men" and I couldn't be more happier for them than I already was when I tossed myself into their lives lol. He is every bit of perfection and I am truly grateful for our team n support from family, friends, strangers and more importantly my amazing doctor n nurses who kept us prayed up n took care of us along the way. To say it takes a village is an understatement cuz good laaaaawd. During this break, I've been able to be reminded of this newborn life annnnd although its like riding a bike, I ain't no spring chicken. During my shift of being an extra set of hands I'm a slave to this baby at his every beckon call n sign of a cry. He's so tiny n cuddly <3 just melts my heart every time! Thinking back to when I had angels surround me and my Godmom (Gramnea) allowed me to take a break from mommy hood to watch Mason, I remember how appreciative I was n the feeling I had to sleep more than 3 hrs and wake up or even go to the bathroom without a baby attached. Baby Life is phkn HARD!!! 

Speaking of not being a spring chicken...even tho the days n weeks get mooshed into one as the world turns lol I am unaware of the clock n only know of night n day BUT I am officially 2 yrs from 40 **cue punch from reality check** and turned 38; Jan 26th!!! Yes...also in my head I did a birthday reality: THIS IS IT!!!

Although I think I'm ready to hit the streets...I'm not. My body is still healing n my FUPA is sore from having a c-section. When I get a burst of energy I go window shopping, make my round at Wegmans until I realize I've been out too long n start to get dizzy so I carry my azz on home n kick my feet up. I have a small window to get fresh air of a good 3-4hrs. I hate it. My appetite is on junk food mode, I know I need to drink more water (but I've always sucked in this dept), I watch my bootcamp trainer from afar to prepare when I'm cleared. If you see me out n about, my uniform is sweatpants or pretty much anything wit an elastic waistline. WHY? oh becuz although I lost weight afterwards, my body is just wonky! I'm smaller than maternity clothes yet I dare not try to fasten jeans-weird. It's so in between. I hate it. I'm ready to take my braids out cuz these joints is dangling well over an inch (I've had em since what? Oct...early Nov) and they ready to Geronimoooooo at any given second BUT I know this postpartum shed is gonna be a bytch which means the take down, detangle, wash n style process will be an all day affair. I hate it. 

I am learning it's ok to take a break n not rush my healing, I meeeean it has only been like a month lol. I've said this before: I wanna be intentional with how I move this year in growing. I wanna enjoy living in the moment and not taking time for granted. Having a baby opened my eyes to realizing OH SHYT...Mason was once this same little baby cradled in my arms just 12 yrs ago. I embrace him n smother him with hugs n kisses while handing him the big brother title. He now has someone who will one day look up to him just as I do as the oldest of siblings. He's such a good kid <3 I am proud we have the relationship we have which is totally not the ideal annnnd WE good with that. He was of great help when I was preggers (don't believe his stories that I made him redo my toasts or other silly tales) I am the cool mom YET authoritative in a more relaxed way (plus I'm petty so he know I ain't for no shyt). He's not into this newborn stage so he looks from afar n I enjoy seeing him cringe when he hears the loud screeching cries from the baby. Overall, my boys are doing an amazing job. If ever there was a hall of fame board for best dads I'd plaster their faces with the stickers n give em stars with how loving, involved and present they are. I don't regret my decision at all. I shall be on hiatus until my mind n body see fit n my energy is fully restored :) 


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