The Art of Alone

A few things I feel women should do at least one good time in their lifetime: cut their hair…not a trim but go bald. It’s the most empowering feeling ever. I know we use hair as a status of beauty but the truth of the matter is what about those who have no choice to be bald-yes throw on a wig but the feeling of a good breeze whispering over ur dome or the joys of water tap dancing on ur scalp is amazing. It’s a style I always revert back to becuz its easy n I continue to run from the “light skin long hair girl” stereotype. Traveling solo is something I will do very soon. I admire women who do it often. Girl trips are fun when it comes together but just something bout traveling outside ur local bubble to see the world on ur own terms and engaging with strangers (carefully) sounds adventurous and rewarding. When I travel I am in vacation mode which means do not regulate my free time with itineraries n pre-planned to do lists of excursions n sightseeing. I am spontaneous n wanna vacay on a whim. If I wanna sleep in late, be lazy n lounge to enjoy room service or do nothing then so be it. Some people will say oh u come all this way to not see or do blah blah blah-YES!! I am a simple gal. All I need is a change of scenery n good food. Marci is my perfect travel partner. She just gets me. She don’t wake me up n if we do have breakfast, we plan our own day n meet back up if needed at a certain time annnnd go from there. We together but we not together lol. I love it. We respect each other’s space. 

Speaking of space…every woman should learn to live alone **gasp** Now this maybe easy for me to say cuz I’ve never been the clingy, I gots to have somebody, please love me type but I think the independence is a great set up for a relationship u settle with down the line. After my mom died, my stepdad moved on and I moved out into my own place. While I had some concerns about who he moved on with he stated to me “I don’t want to live alone”. I didn’t understand it but I’m sure it holds true to this day for people to feel this way for whatever reason. It’s just interesting to me because since my first taste of freedom, I’ve always loved living alone. I’ve never had an interest in roommates regardless how cost effective it may be. To bask in ur own bachelorette pad, no kids, shopping off deferred payments from Newport News, living off $37.89 til the next payday n having company on at my leisure then kickin em out when I grew bored-maaaan what-that is LIFE!! If you can remember my 2018: Elevation post then I shall update u on where I left off from there: I still have the same sentiments in that post. My focus this year hasn't been dating since I've been putting energy into other things in my life which is mainly just me i.e. where can I grow? areas in my life to be strengthened?...yet the devil does test me with old flames, temptation of new flames but I've held my ground becuz I'm aware of my greatness n I'm not compromising that for temporary feelings of lust n attn.  Being single isn't n doesn't have to be a bad thing. Soul ties are REAL!! My 3rd eye has been so open after my V Steam (Endee is so phkn bomb) that I'm hella picky who I would lay with becuz if and when I start dating, it'll be for a purpose n if I know I want more than just "benefits" I ain't bout to keep moving the same way I've done before to feel a void or "scratch" a need-TUH!! 

Separation Before Elevation

As I am a few years from 40, I see how women feel pressured or in a rush to beat the clock n have kids n be married by a certain age. Oooh the typical terms of what society deems the American dream n pressures of society standards **le sigh**. There are women over 30 with no kids, no desire to have kids or just don’t want kids until they find someone worthy to have kids with. Maybe women over 35 who don’t have kids that would’ve liked to have kids, have come to grips with it not being in the cards. There’s options for single women to have kids but at this point they like eeeh phk it. That’s ok. There’s women who don’t get married and/or have kids for the first time til their over 40. That’s ok. Stop trying to shame folks!! We grow up off this fairytale of being fed to be married within a certain age frame to be stamped with the I MADE IT tag. I don’t know if anyone is paying attention with how ways of the world have evolved buuuut folks ain’t getting married as early or as much and young as they use to back when our parent’s n grands grew up. Me personally…I prefer to date older. I ain’t checkin for nobody my age or younger who press to “turn up” n be a socialite in deez streets. I need someone who is content wit sittin they azzez down sometimes n bein on chill mode but that’s becuz I am a boring homebody. I know folks will also think I’m crazy for being outside the norm but it would be such a dream to be neighbor’s wit my hubby. YES!! Neighbor’s lol. That is prolly the gift n curse of living to self for so long tho-well til Mason came! No matter the case, I am setting and enforcing boundaries. 

The Art of Alone: Sit back n enjoy JUST YOU!! Get to know YOU. Fall in love with urself by urself becuz resting in that place of preparation n knowing ur worth will make a difference in who n what u attract in the long run. I ain't tryin to Iyanla Vanzant y'all bytchez but dmn y'all gotta start recognizing the power we got in deez streets when u require n demand ur worth. 

Smooches

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A Tale Of Two Babydaddy’s

Let me rewind it a tad n then bring u back up to speed…So years ago while me n marci would meet up n have an absolute blast on the drag cruises every year (gawd I miss those days w/a passion) we formed bonds with couples who inevitably became our Modern Family. They would spoil us the whole vacay n treat us like Queens. She found her “nephews” n I found “my boys” and to this day we stiiiiiiill together. Welp, as a random convo would have it, I mentioned wanting to have a baby without the responsibility. Of course they chuckled as if I was joking but no-I was serious. If life went my way I would now be married with at least 3 kids but since God has a sense of humor-look at me now! As baby talk rumbled n my idea was brushed to the side, one of my boys said I’d like to have a baby someday n it was then my grand idea would gain a breff of hope. So I said with strong conviction “If I’m not married by 35, I’ll be the surrogate”. Why nobody takes me serious as if I joke ALL the time I don’t know but I let it marinate n randomly mentioned it even after the cruise until I got an acceptance on my offer which came like 2 cruises later.

For those who might’ve been curious of the backstory there ya have it. This has been years in the making n MY idea in the first place. So now that my plans have been falling into play the other hard part is explaining to folks who don’t understand it. When there’s something u don’t understand I think it’s necessary to have a discussion on it to dispel any myths n rumors but to also break relying on stereotypes. Let’s open the dialect: You’ve heard many stories of those who’ve adopted, plenty of stories of couples whether in a relationship or situationship they have kids but how often do u come across someone who is willing to carry a child for another couple? And I’m talkin before the KimYe frenzy! 

There’s 2 types of surrogacy: 

• straight surrogate-my egg + dad sperm 
• being a host/gestational surrogate-intended mother’s egg + dad sperm (thru IVF) which is the most common n only way fertility clinics use.

Disclaimer: Just becuz u may be the overly emotional mother who is extra attached to ur kids does not mean that lives in everyone so for my views n how I do shyt may differ or appear as if I lack nurture or compassion that is not the case. I do not love my son any less n enjoy being a mom. So by the time u finishing reading u might say “I couldn’t do it” which is fine. That’s the uniqueness of individuality n whether u “get it” or not u need to respect it-period. This is a judgement free zone!

Top 5 FAQ:

Why would u want to do that?

I love me some Mason, lawd knows I do BUT at 37 I do NOT have the patience to raise another one. I worked hard on getting him to the independency level he is today. Furthermore-do u see what these kids bring home for HOMEWORK?? Hell naw. I am in school struggling to stay afloat with my own Maff let alone tryin to explain the new way to a child. I tip my hat to those with multiples whether u have help or going at it alone. The thing NOBODY will ever say out loud yet I know ur thinking it IS: if time could be rewinded (yes rewinded) u know dmn well u wouldn’t have either as many or any! U can quietly n secretly agree to urself or not but nobody thinks it out loud cuz u don’t want ur kids to feel a certain way or it just sounds phk’d up so we always do the default “I love all my kids n wouldn’t trade em for the world” or the “I mean now they here it’s not so bad after all” and even the popular “kids are a blessing” Yea Yea Yea Blah Blah Blah-spaaaare me!! Yeeees I get it but looking back on daycare costs, diapers, milk, sanity n the overall struggles of parenting-be real. We are way pass the days when gas was 89 cents, milk being 50 cents n when great great grands had 14 kids starting at age 14. With that being said n out the way…NO! I don’t want to RAISE any more kids whether I get married tomorrow or not BUT I would like to go thru the experience of it all over again being older, mature n fascinated by a woman’s work. I didn’t have a bad pregnancy n I produce happy babies but to really pay attn to the body n document the changes from a different perspective of dmn near 12 yrs later, I shall do.

What does Mason think?

I’ve had this discussion with Mason n we have a pretty good relationship where we talk about a lot of things. When he was younger he did want a sibling with us but as he got older that dream faded. Mason enjoys his lifestyle as an only child (with me) as do I enjoy my lifestyle with ONE. Call me selfish all ya want but if I wanted more-trust I’d have more. Mason is n will be just fine. Quiet as kept he wanted to do a “trade” n get their dog **eyeroll** But he was the final say so which made me comfortable to press forward. 

Don’t you think you’ll get attached?

Please refer to the FIRST question! I do not want to rewind my clock. Mason has 6 yrs left until he graduates n I would be crazy to start fresh with such a gap-again iiiiiiiiii would-I’m speakin for myself. What exactly do u mean by attached? This child will still be half of me so we will forever be attached. Attached to where I wanna sacrifice my sleep, take 2 hrs before I gotta leave the house to pack a diaper bag n get us ready, have to find back up sitters when daycare closed for vacay-hell find a sitter period that ain’t charging half my paycheck n 5 peruvian bundles as is…No. I feel like if I go into any more detail explaining I’ll look even crazier to u but u get the jist. We sacrifice a lot as mothers n lose ourselves to the point where someone gifts u money or gift cards to treat urself n instead of spending it on YOU, u spending it on the kids-but I won’t digress (Selfish Mom)! The answer to this question can also be tied into the disclaimer above.

Are u getting paid n how much?

This is one of the most popular questions I often get n it’s always funny to me becuz of the countless surrogacy stories I’ve read a lot of times initially money is the motivation. In other cases, money is the perk. There is no amount of money that can compensate any woman on earth for what she goes through during a pregnancy n giving birth. If u are into it for the money n treating it like it’s a business, I wouldn’t advise anyone to do it. The reward is greater than money-FOR ME but that may also be becuz I'm closer to the couple too. To answer the question tho, you can feel free to google the cost but I will not disclose any financials becuz it’s not important to me. 

Fun Tidbit: In India, young women serve as surrogates for American couples at a fraction of the cost.

Are they gonna let u be in the child’s life? 

These are my boys. We’ve built a friendship of love over the years and became close so kids or no kids they can’t quit me! They can’t escape me n we are a package deal. Yes, I AM MOM and we are family-period. Mason is excited to be a big brother <3

I’ve gotten all kinds of questions and it’s hard to answer anything in reference to the future of raising a child with a modern family n what the outside world thinks of the arrangement. It’s not the typical, ideal situation of the norm but it works for us. Any other random questions feel free to ask away but I am no expert on the matter. I’ve done some research only becuz I’m as inquisitive as u are n open to learning from other people’s experiences but I’m not the poster child for surrogates-yall know I ain’t politically correct as is!

Smooches

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