This time last year I was glowing in excitement as I was ready to embark on new life formed within my womb. The general rule is what? Keep quiet n wait til after 12 wks or something but mine is 5 months-no rhyme or reason tho. It’s just something I prefer to keep between the party involved n a few I carefully choose to share with until I feel like making an announcement. Speaking on a loss isn’t an easy feat to do. We normally keep it to ourselves becuz we feel nobody would understand but you’d be surprised with how many relate. Being preggers at 25 is a whole different ball game than anything after 35 as I was able to pay more attention and appreciate the changes within my body this time around. I’ve never had morning sickness but dmn it if heartburn didn’t take me out.
I admire women who share their stories of miscarriage (MC) aloud because nobody talks about it. You can find solace in someone u relate to for support. It’s almost like it’s a taboo topic but more so it opens u up to being vulnerable n judged. Do I share? How do I share? What do I share? Do I really feel like reliving it by explaining the shyt all over again? Ugh! I felt like how can I not esp if I wanted to later share a success story. I go from being so excited which was different for me becuz of all the previous ones it was like “oh shyt-wtf now” to oh nooooo. FINALLY I get pregnant on purpose with a purpose n it’s snatched from me. I felt like it was karma for taking for granted all the other times of it easily being handed to me n tossed like eeeh maybe next time becuz I know for sure I have a whole Josephine Baker rainbow tribe waiting on me at the pearly gates (don’t judge me). Yet I have no problem taking full responsibility for my choices and I don’t regret em. I’ve been a work in progress for some years now n made peace with a lot of past indiscretions honey. That’s why I’m such a beast today becuz I’m very aware of myself. After being on bedrest for weeks at a time my water broke too early n the end result was a miscarriage-THANK GOD I did have folks check on me as well as give me my space. Getting my body back into sync wasn’t easy becuz it still processed a baby being delivered. I gradually went back to work to resume my regularly scheduled programming but it was tough cuz it randomly crossed my mind n I’d be done for the day n retreat back into hiding. Slowly but surely I came back into normalcy and regained a sense of brighter days.
Many have asked if we’ll try again. I feel optimistic so why not. There are plenty rainbow babies amongst us and your probably one urself. If it was anything that would put my life in jeopardy-NO n since my doctor gave us the green light, it’s all I needed! For those who are trying-keep goin IF ur psychy allows becuz I can’t imagine going thru the devastation of an MC back to back n then u feel like u walkin on eggshells in hopes of-ya know, so it takes a toll on ur body n mental state. Just think, if women gave up after the first try or loss the population would prolly be half. It’s all in divine timing n whenever it’s meant to be soooo let me set boundaries now: do NOT ask me every month if I’m pregnant-it’s phkn annoying. I can see the reason why people keep shyt under wraps n private #HiKylie yet I know people have the best intentions and want to see us win…still it’s annoying! Even if and when it does happen I would do things a lot different the next go round like…not give a due date. Nothing else more annoying than u asking within those upcoming weeks “Is it here yet” n yall know I got a smart mouf so u ask me on the wrong day/time u will get ur feelings hurt. Please believe I’m not hardly press for the attention so depending on how u could perceive and receive this message it might translate to: ur on a need to know basis! It’s not to be mean n I don’t wanna sound bytchy but I am now VERY picky with who I share my energy (n self) with (even tho I am sharing it on this platform). I know how fake some folks can be as well as nosey so for something as important as this, I only want genuine people on my team. Whether that’s 2 people or 20, I prefer the quality over quantity any day. Thank you for ur words of encouragement, well wishes n prayers, they definitely don't go unnoticed and much appreciated. I'm open to receiving my blessings :)
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