In my recent post for my birthday, I spoke on coming into my womanhood. It has not been easy and a long time coming. There was once upon a time where I didn't love myself nor value who I was as a person n lived dangerously to say the least not caring who I hurt n not realizing I was merely hurting myself. The older I got, the more I realized I wanted more yet adjusted my standards to fit the situation annnnd still didn't end well. After many failed relationships, I had to step back and re-evaluate my life. This is where we need to hold ourselves accountable for our actions. It's a harsh truth to face head on or even if someone tries to "tell u bout urself"...with love.
My mother died when I was around 19. Fresh out of high school and ready to take on the world. For those who are still blessed enuff to presently have ur moms, don't take it for granted. You think u have more time and u don't. Time is shorter than u think-but anyhoo...here I am holding on to the jewels my mama taught me before she died. Of course not understanding them at the time they laid dormant in the back of my head. My mama was THE epitome of class and sophistication. If only I didn't curse so much, I could only wish to be a third of what that laydee exuded. However, I am my father's child so the crazy in me tips the scale at times lol. I know how to have a balance tho n tuck it in while in public haha. So carrying myself like a laydee came naturally to me becuz I had a perfect example to follow.
I learned a lot about myself being to myself. For some people being alone is difficult, especially for mushy n overly emotional people. Often times people confuse being alone for lonely-no honey! I enjoy my time to self. It would be a dream come true if me n my hubby can live separately ever after in love :) I do NOT like clingy men. Please respect my space n know that I need it becuz that's just how I am. It's nothing personal if I wanna sleep on the couch sometimes sheesh. Now that I'm at a point of knowing what I want n don't want, I refuse to compromise for it. I see a lot of "Dear Future Husband" posts as I casually scroll my timeline. It's so cute. We think we ready n feel pressures of aging, wanting more kids n team building to jump the broom like-now! Tsk Tsk laydeeeeez. Be careful what u wish for. God has a sense of humor-trust me!!
So here I am. Three years from 40 n ain't taking no shyt from nobody. The sense of power I feel is phkn amazing. I.AM.THE.SHYT!!!! I carry myself where u will know to not step to me with peasantry or come to me with less than. If u got a girl, a girl that think she ur girl, sleep on the couch at ur girls or any of those bshyt azz excuses..keep it moving. I know I can come off intimidating or u may feel like u can't approach me and if u lack that type of confidence...keep it moving cuz this ain't what u want. Trust me I'm not that girl who press for no man. Sex is a dime a dozen. U can do that with anybody these days without even trying hard. Eeeeh meh! The tough part is finding someone to truly accept u for u n hold a stimulating conversation without it eluding to sexual innuendo's so soon **eye roll** Yeeeees, I'm pretty n blah blah blah but what are u really willing to invest to know me pass the beauty cuz I know some pretty women's wit horrible attitudes n some fine men's with nothing more to offer than sperm.
Now to twist a quote from one of my favorite's from The Wire, Omar, When you come at the Queen, u best not miss. I am not playing no games wit chall no mo'. You getting one shot n one shot ONLY. No more benefits of the doubts (which I tend to do becuz I tryyyyy to see the good in folks, I really do) becuz folks take my kindness for weakness far too often. I am more in tune with my energy now so I can sniff out intentions quicker than I used to n pay attention to gut instincts I used to ignore. I am a no brainer n sure shot but I'm not bout to sell myself on anybody. I don't have to prove shyt to nobody either. My actions speak for itself where I show u who I am n believe me...I'm the same OG 24/7.
If u thought I was something before, wait til u get a load of me now. Everything in my life is off elevation. My life has made a full on makeover n I feel hella good about it. My daddy reminds me...it's time to start enjoying life. U dmnnnnn right. What the hell u waiting for? Kids to leave the house? winning lottery numbers? Mr. Right? the right time or place to wear that dress that's been hanging in ur closet for 2 yrs? TUH. I am the most vibrant one in my office. If I had a sequin dress I would for sure wear it to work-just becuz! I'm currently looking for a vintage fur trim satin robe to gracefully shop at Wegman's in. I'm trying to tell ya....it's not a phkn gaaaaame people. It's actually quite dangerous how much of a beast I am.
If this post comes off braggy n boastful to u...STEP YO SHYT UP n join me on this level. I meeeean I understand it's hard for someone to root for u when they can't even root for themselves. Not my problem!! I remember when I answered suicidal calls at the fire dept, I had to watch what I said on a recorded line becuz I just can't feel sorry for someone who wants to jump off a bridge cuz they girl cheated or bills was due tomorrow. Booooy if u don't getcho azz off my line wit that woe is me shyt. Stop phkn complaining. Make better choices in life and choose to stop tripping n start living. I am not one to make life harder for myself. If I don't feel like hiking up some steps I am quick to take the elevator for ONE floor lol. I pay the 5 for convenience as well. My next move is luxury apartments-spare me the homeowner bribery cuz I don't care!! ELEVATION!!! I am getting what I want, when I want, how I want and deserve every bit of it. I am worthy of greatness. If you as family, friend, foe, fantasy bae or whomever can't recognize that...BUH BYE! Ain't my loss.
Along with learning to be alone n enjoying it...I've also gained strength in stepping out my comfort zone. I ain't trying to be no life coach or nothing lol but I am here to: Inspire. Motivate. Elevate ;) As women we lose ourselves (and our mojo's) getting caught up in being moms, over worked, underpaid, not feeling appreciated, overlooked, overweight and just downright tied. I get it, I fully understand. This is where self-care comes into play n making it a routine will keep u sane. I love boudoir shoots. I love seeing women do them too. It puts u in a vulnerable position where u showing ur figure off that may not be to what u want it to be at the time. You've seen them n said "oooh I wanna do that BUT..." I already told y'all...I'm 15lbs heavier than I was last year and here I stand **snap in Z formation** I am comfortable with my body becuz I am comfortable with ME. All these I love me n I'm my own WCW heaux...yea sure...lets see how much u REALLY love urself when u can strip down n front of a camera wit the phk it attitude n kill it. YES U CAN DO IT!!!! I am very aware of my thick thighs, back rolls, stretch marks n cellulite but my boobs look amazing in this bra tho (courtesy of Victoria's Secret). You'd be a fool to think u can body shame me **evil laugh**
Confidence I can't teach. Sexy is what u feel. Phks given is depleted. We as women are capable of things beyond what our minds can imagine yet we limit ourselves n don't feel good enuff for whatever reason while staying in that safe zone afraid to take the leap. You'll drive urself crazy comparing urself to others. Don't be fooled by ones u think have it all n label 'em relationship goals or wanna trade worlds wit someone else. What is for u, is for u. Whatever ur heart desires is obtainable. Don't tell me shyt can't done n made possible when we sending cars into space n terraforming to live on Mars. It's time to get out this rut n treat yo self. You will soon begin feeling u are a treat yo self.
 |
| Smooches |
